It’s not you, it’s me…
Are all your friends getting engaged, married or entering into some kind of a committed relationship while the only huge decision you’ve made is whether you should spend Thanksgiving watching reruns of Sex and the City or the Walking Dead?
You are not single because you are a boring, annoying, ugly, self-entitled bitch. Nah. You are a fun loving, hardworking and sociable person. So why are you single yet men are lining up waiting to marry you and have babies with you? It’s because you are a commitment phobe and these 8 signs will prove that you are:
The thought of having to give up control of your destiny and your life makes you shudder. You are used to living a certain lifestyle that it becomes difficult for anyone to live up to your expectations. People in relationships sometimes make sacrifices in order to make their partners happy but you can’t see yourself doing that.
There’s something about a guy who’s taken that just makes you want to go after him even more. Available guys just turn you off but when you find out they are married, your interest in them peaks. And it’s not just guys who are unavailable that you gravitate towards. You go for guys you know you can’t have a real relationship with.
For instance, you will date a guy who doesn’t believe in sticking to one girl. The moment he starts acting as if he is interested in making you his main girl, you break up with him citing that he’s a player and you can’t enter into a long term relationship with a guy like that.
Every girl has standards, some high, some low. But your standards are way up there and you refuse to lower the bar just a little. You have a long list of requirements that every guy must meet and you completely refuse to commit to him if he doesn’t check all the boxes.
You don’t have a problem getting into a relationship but you don’t ever see things lasting very long. You only date for fun. You don’t have a problem with getting into an open relationship either or sleeping around even when you are in a relationship.
You subscribe to ideals like “with all these people in the world, there has to be more than one soulmate for me” or “Life is short, why should you spend the rest of your life tied down to one person?”
If a relationship fails, it’s because the guy was a looser, he expected too much, he was going too fast, he was going too slow or he wasn’t the one. If you’ve dated a number of guys and all your relationships were shorter than an Instagram video then the problem isn’t with them it’s with you.
When a guy you are dating brings up the subject of having kids, getting married or eventually settling down, you immediately change the topic. Whenever he wants you to meet his folks, you find all sorts of excuses not to or when he wants to meet yours, you avoid setting a date. Actually, you even disappear for a few days hoping he’ll forget all about solidifying your relationship to a more serious status.
Getting into a serious relationship and eventually getting married sounds boring. You’d rather chase after the guys and get a kick out of it. However, once you get the guy you’ve been chasing after, you lose interest.
It’s perfectly okay to admit you have commitment issues. We all have them sometimes especially when we’ve been hurt before or we are unsure about the guy we love. What’s not normal is thinking that it’s okay to live the rest of your life with a chip on your shoulder. Get your shit together, try to move on from whatever is making you have commitment issues and settle down.
If you are not ready to settle down then so be it, there is nothing wrong with that. But it’s not fair to lead someone on knowing there is not a chance in hell it will develop into a long-term relationship. Be upfront that you are unsure about what you want in life and if they stay; whatever happens is on them.
by Jackie Kalyonge
What the heck is a love trap anyway?
Well, if you fall for the same type of guys repeatedly, knowingly or unknowingly, you are in a love trap. If you follow the same patterns when dating guys, you are in a love trap. So now, do you get what a love trap is? Good. We’ll now explain to you the different kinds of love traps.
You’ve known this guy since you were five years old. You grew up on the same street, went to the same school together and you’ve never dated anyone else but him. He has played you, treated you like dirt, you’ve broken up a gazillion times but somehow you find yourself back together with him.
Why this is a love trap? Because you insist on sticking to some guy who is obviously taking you for granted. Go out there and find out what the world has to offer.
Your first date with this guy was so great that you started imagining spending the rest of your life with him.
This is a love trap because first dates are never an actual representation of what the person is really like. He could be a criminal or a player. The first date is like a job interview….you only get one chance to blow your interviewer away. In this case, you are the interviewer and your date is the interviewee.
You start dating this guy only to realize that he is in a serious committed relationship or he is married but instead of breaking up with him, you start justifying why the two of you were meant to be.
Why is this a love trap? Because you keep forgetting that he isn’t your man. He is taken and you are holding on to forbidden fruits. And by the way, karma is a bitch…if you break up a happy relationship be prepared for it to come back and bite you in the ass.
How many times have you heard women say that they are looking for a financially stable man? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who can provide for his family but is that the only thing you need in a relationship?
Why is this a love trap? Well, apart from money, what else does your man have going on? Is he a great lover, is he emotionally invested in the relationship? Does he keep his promises?
Outside beauty doesn’t matter, what matters is the beauty inside. Yeah, right! Forget all that. You want a man who will make every woman in the room jealous of you.
Why is this a love trap? Just like the guy with money, what else does Mr. Handsome have going on apart from his looks?
You have invested so much time and effort into your relationship that when your man plays you or disrespects you repeatedly, you willingly forgive him.
Why is this a love trap? Girl, a good relationship is the result of teamwork. Your man should bring 100% into the relationship and so should you. But if you are always investing 100% into the relationship and the man only invests 5%, maybe you should stop dating the same types of guys.
It’s hard to find someone you can connect with emotionally and have good sex with. So when you find a guy who is good in bed, you hold on to him tight.
Why is this a love trap? Because you can teach someone how to be good in bed but you can’t teach them how to emotionally connect with you. If the two of you don’t connect, then you just don’t connect. Don’t force it.
You are afraid of being alone. You believe only a man can make you happy so you jump from one relationship to another because God forbid you ever find yourself alone during the weekend.
Why is this a love trap? You are willing to settle for anything as long as it means you won’t be alone, and you will sacrifice your standards just to have someone in your life.
Can you relate to any of these love traps? Watch out for the next post because we’ll tell you how to get out of a love trap.
by Jackie Kalyonge
We have all come across a narcissist at some point in our lives, but not all narcissists are the same. Here are seven different types of narcissism. Which ones have you encountered?
1. The Winner
This narcissist must “win” at everything; even the smallest action becomes a competition. Whether it’s sports, career achievements, academics, or who can eat the most chicken wings, this narcissist needs to be better than everyone else. This type of narcissist revels in having the hottest wife or girlfriend, the smartest kid, drive the coolest car or live in the trendiest house. They are never happy for a friend’s good fortune. In the narcissist’s eyes, another person’s success is their failure, and their self-esteem takes a huge hit. They may become antagonistic, or try to overcompensate by downplaying or belittling the achievements of others.
2. The Victim
This narcissist is the most conniving. They are master manipulators who use affection and emotion to keep you close to them. Their sob story has been perfected over the years, and this narcissist will easily convince you that the world is out to get them, that they are a victim. This narcissist takes no responsibility for any misfortune in their lives; it’s always someone else’s fault. They have no remorse when using blame and guilt to get what they want from others. A victim narcissist will become vengeful if things don’t go their way.
3. The Know-It-All
This narcissist is the most annoying. They believe they are more intelligent than anyone around them. They treat their opinions as fact and become deeply offended if you dare to disagree with them. This narcissist often preaches, but rarely listen. They will offer unsolicited advice to family, friends, colleagues, even strangers. The know-it-all narcissist feels that they have nothing to learn from others and will demean and belittle anyone not “smart enough” to comprehend their brilliance.
4. The Puppet Master
The puppet master narcissist has learned to control others through several different tactics and is skilled at finding an individual’s weak spot. They have no integrity; the puppet master will lie, cheat, seduce, and withhold affection from loved ones to get what they want. They use people as they see fit to benefit themselves. They will turn family members, friends or colleagues against each other to achieve their goals. This type of narcissist has no problem using your insecurities and vulnerabilities against you without a trace of remorse.
5. The Antagonist
This type of narcissist sees enemies everywhere. They berate the wait staff at restaurants, they yell at “idiot” drivers, they leave nasty notes for neighbors for perceived slights, and they make derogatory remarks about co-workers. This expression of righteous indignation helps the narcissist feel superior and in control. The antagonist is often estranged from at least one family member with no hope of reconciliation. They have very few friends, and if they are in a relationship, their partner is likely very submissive with low self-esteem.
6. The Status Symbol
To this narcissist status is everything, their self-worth is validated by how others see them. They put all their energy in accumulating wealth, power, and social status. This type of narcissist knows how much you paid for your house, whether or not your kids go to private school, or where you take your vacations. They are president of any clubs they are members of, and always take charge of any gatherings. A status narcissist if often very smart and accomplished and makes damn sure you know it.
7. The Royal
This type of narcissist don’t believe in earning special treatment – they feel they are owed it simply by birthright, much like royalty does. The rules don’t apply to them; they feel they don’t have to follow societal norms. When faced with consequences, they will react as though they are being persecuted or mistreated. The royal narcissist, after all, is above things like waiting in line or even speeding tickets. They will also treat others – equals or even superiors – as inherently lesser than themselves. The world is their kingdom, and everyone within it is their servant.
We are who we are, and that goes for narcissists. However, we have the choice and the ability not to let them control us. That’s why you need to know the characteristics of narcissists to be able to identify them. Some narcissists can be hard to spot at first, but their masks always slip at some point. That’s when you have to decide whether to walk away and preserve your sanity or live with the consequences of staying with a narcissist.
Written by Char Brown