Even the most amicable breakup can be painful.
In the moment, it’s easy to say and do things we don’t mean. If you want your ex back (just in case) or even if you just want to be friends, making your breakup as amicable as possible will improve your chances of that.
To do that, here are 25 things you want to AVOID doing:
1. Thinking up bizarre reasons to contact them.
2. Running into them “accidentally.”
“I was just in the neighborhood!” – 25 miles away from your home.
3. Regularly hanging out at the places you used to go together, hoping they’ll be there.
4. Trying to get revenge in some way.
5. Destroying their stuff.
6. Talking to your ex’s friends about them.
7. Contacting your ex’s parents.
8. Trying to apologize for everything that went wrong.
You likely already apologized when you broke up.
9. Having an embarrassing emotional outburst.
In general don’t stalk him on social media, it’s very tempting to stalk an ex online. BUT DO NOT DO IT!
11. Deleting your ex on social media, and then using your friend’s profile to see what they are up to.
You did the right thing by unfriending and unfollowing them. But don’t cheat by using your friends’ accounts to check on them!
12. Comparing yourself to his exes before you.
It doesn’t matter if his other exes were way crazier than you. Just don’t do it.
13. Looking at old pictures of you together.
You should probably get rid of those.
14. Initiating awkward “WHY?” conversations.
This is absolutely something you don’t want to do. You’re putting them in an awkward situation and really, what answer do you expect to get? Is it going to be what you want to hear? Probably not.
15. Taking part in gossip about your ex.
We all can hear some interesting things or out and out lies about our exes after a breakup. But as soon as someone starts with “You won’t believe what I heard about your ex”, you tell that person to stop right there and change the subject.
16. “Accidentally” texting him.
Uh, no. They’re not going to fall for this, and it’s just going to be more awkward for you in the long run.
17. Obsessively trying to stay in contact with them.
This isn’t much better than stalking.
18. Refusing to accept the current reality.
One sure way to make things even worse with your ex is refusing to accept what they’re telling you. They don’t want to be with you, so you’ve got to accept that. If there’s a chance you’ll get back together, fine, but that will never happen if you can’t respect their boundaries.
19. Acting out jealously.
If you find out they’re seeing someone, don’t demand an explanation or make them feel bad for moving on! This just pushes them further away, trust me.
20. Trying to make your ex jealous.
If you’re seeing someone, don’t tell them! Your actions no longer concern them.
21. Creating elaborate theories about your ex.
This includes hoping he’s actually gay. I mean – is that really an insult? This is 2017 after all.
22. Plotting ways to break up him and his new girlfriend.
Yes, they may be the rebound. That doesn’t mean you get to point this out to them to drive a wedge between them. You wouldn’t want anyone doing this to you, would you?
23. Drunk dialing.
If you think there might be a drunk dialing risk, delete his number from your phone NOW.
24. Suggesting ex sex / friends with benefits.
Either way, it’ll just end messy and prolong the healing process.
25. Finally, using the excuse of ‘having nothing left to lose’ to justify your bad behavior when you KNOW it’s wrong.
If you really want them back, you need to be calm and collected, showing maturity and that you respect what they’ve told you. How will they know if you’re still interested? Well, they’ll come to you. Think of it this way: they can’t want you back if they don’t miss you, fantasize about you, if you’re smothering them more now than when you were dating.
As strange as it sounds, to have any potential for getting back together, you actually need to be over each other–so that the two of you can have a fresh start. Without clearing out the baggage from the old relationship, the hurt and resentment will just bubble back once the relationship takes off again. -C. Sky