No matter how confident you are in your everyday life, when it comes to relationships it’s all too easy for insecurity to creep in. No matter how loyal your boyfriend is, or how great your life together may be, you may still harbor fears that he is cheating. That he will find someone new, or that the spark is slowly seeping out of your sex life.
The fact that those fears are often unfounded does not make them any less real. Perception is reality, and if you want to overcome insecurity in your relationship you need to change the way you look at yourself. Here are 10 tips you can start using right now.
#1. Practice Turning Negative Thoughts Into Positive Ones
You do not have to be a meditation guru to turn your negative thoughts into positive affirmations. Just think about the things that bug you and make you feel insecure, then look for more positive ways to express those thoughts. You might not get it right 100% of the time, but practice makes perfect.
#2. Stop Obsessing
Obsessing over your insecurities will not make them go away. In fact, obsessing over things you wish were different will just make those problems loom larger in your life.
The next time you find yourself obsessing about something that makes you insecure, try looking for ways to change it. If you can change it, work out a plan to do so. If it cannot be changed, stop obsessing and let it go.
#3. Make Time for Yourself
You do not have to be your boyfriend’s servant and mother. You and your partner should be on equal footing, and you should not be afraid to make time for yourself. If your boyfriend does not understand that you need me time once in a while, you need a new boyfriend.
#4. Understand that Your Partner Still Has Eyes
He’s a man. He can’t help looking at an attractive woman from time to time. If he didn’t respond to good looking women, he wouldn’t be your boyfriend in the first place. Learn to stop obsessing about every wayward glance, and resist the urge to punish your boyfriend for a mere look.
Has somebody wronged you in a way that you find hard to forgive?
Are you holding on to resentment and anger? These types of emotions have a way of controlling us. Would you like to learn to not live in a constant state of hatred or resentment? The answer lies in forgiveness.
When you think of forgiveness, you may be inclined to think that you would be doing it for the benefit of the person against whom you hold resentment. The fact is that forgiveness is the only way to achieve serenity and peace of mind. How many times in a day do you think about the wrong done to you? How often do you think about something you would say or do to get back at the person who wronged you? The reality is that you are allowing another person to control your emotional state of being.
When you forgive another person, you’re not telling them that what they did was okay. Perhaps you have suffered a real tragedy at the hands of another person. Forgiveness is about your being able to let go of strong feelings that dominate you. When you forgive another person you are taking charge of your life and making the decision not to let another person ‘rent free space in your head’.
How to Forgive
Benching is when you start dating someone you think may have potential,
but you’re not crazy about them. You’re not sure whether to keep dating them or dump them and move on to the next one. So you keep them in your mental “maybe” folder and “bench” them for later consideration. Keeping in contact just enough so that they think you’re still interested in them.
Ghosting is the act of suddenly stopping all communication with someone you’re dating but no longer wishes to be in a relationship with. This is done in hopes that the person you were dating will “get the hint” and move on without you having to take any further action.
1. With ghosting, people get the message quickly.
No one wants to be ghosted, it’s cowardly, rude and hurtful, but at least you get the message after a week or so. With benching, you could be led on for months.
2. Major ego builder for the bencher.
Let’s be real here — a lot of guys who bench do so because they like the idea of having their own “harem” of women to choose from. They’re looking to stroke their egos at the expense of others’ feeling while also keeping their options open.
3. Unlike ghosting, there’s no reason to bench.
Guys like to tell themselves they’re being honest when they bench a woman. They’re not sneaking around, they haven’t agreed to any commitment, so there shouldn’t be any expectations on the woman’s part. When a man ghosts, they typically do so because they don’t feel comfortable with breakups and want to avoid any drama that might arise from ending a relationship. In other words, because they’re cowards.
4. Both ghosting and benching say a lot about who you are.
It shows that they’re a coward. It indicates that they don’t respect the other person’s feelings. It also proves that the only person they care about is themselves.
How many of these signs do you identify with?
Too often, women don’t recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it’s because of their naiveté or worse, being in denial. Signs of a bad relationship can be subtle, something you can brush off as a few bad days, or just going through a rough patch. Fortunately, most signs are as clear as a sunny day; you just have to be willing to see them.
Whatever your reason, no one should ever settle for anything less than a loving and respectful relationship. If any of these toxic red flags apply to you, it’s time to move on – time will not make any of these signs acceptable.
You start doubting your self-worth
No one should ever make you feel like you’re unworthy, especially someone who says they love you. A caring partner should remind you of how much you mean to them and how amazing you are, even if you don’t require the reminders.
You’ve felt unsafe at ANY point
Don’t make excuses like “It was in the heat of the moment,” or tell yourself “It won’t happen again.” You should never, ever feel or be threatened. Physically or verbally.
You have to ask permission
You are not a child. Taking your partner’s thoughts into consideration is fine, but you should be able to do what you think is best without fear of reprisal from your significant other (SO).
You can’t fully be yourself
Trying to be something you’re not, or suppressing certain parts of you is not sustainable. If your SO can’t love all of you, then they sure as hell don’t deserve any of you.
You do whatever it takes to avoid a fight
You want to avoid arguments, so you acquiesce, lie, sneak around, or refuse to address things. You might think you’re helping your relationship, but you’re not. The fear of confrontations or breaking up isn’t reason enough to be passive.
You fight often
What’s the best way to get your ideal brows?
Plucking (tweezing), threading and waxing are the methods used most to get the manicured look you’re going for. While you might want to go with what looks trendy and mainstream, there is a need to have a close look at what each one of these styles give you.
Threading allows for perfect definition
For those who choose to go with this method, it is highly detailed. It allows you to carve out a shape for the brow according to your own preferences, creating a sharp look that stays on for quite a bit and remains very noticeable.
Here, you are handling hairs at a very individual level. You do not deal with a clump of hairs, but working with every single piece until the end, which gives you the flexibility to carve out a sharp finish at the end.
It is fast
With threading, there is not much in the way of intricacies. All that the technician needs to do is move from a single piece of hair to the next. The entire process is much faster than tweezing.
Threading is a very fast process that focuses more on getting things done than actually providing quality. You will therefore find that the hair removal process is rather careless, providing substandard results.
You can choose to go for tweezing services from professionals, but it is not absolutely necessary, because it is a simple enough process to carry out in front of your mirror.
You have found the one.
The process of falling in love with this guy has been exciting and you treasure every moment but somehow you feel like you are doing too much. Well, in every relationship you have to make some adjustments so that you can establish a strong bond. Some women are happy quitting their jobs to raise a family while others prefer not to have kids at all. But how much is too much when deciding what to sacrifice for your relationship? We’ll highlight a few things we think women should never sacrifice for their men.
You worked so hard to get to where you are but all of a sudden this guy walks into your life and you are ready to give it all up? Well, we don’t know about you but that’s just insane. In fact, it’s not something a strong, confident woman would do. If a guy loves you, he will encourage you to follow your dreams, not to give them up. Don’t be surprised when he leaves for another woman and helps her achieve her dreams.
Honestly, your relationship will never work if you compromise your values. We all have our own set of moral values and principles that we live by. If you believe in marriage then babies, don’t let a guy cheat you into having babies then marriage. It won’t be fair to you. Besides, if a guy doesn’t respect your values and principles, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. A guy will always respect a woman who stands firmly by her principles even if he breaks up with her.
Managing your career is already hard enough.
Throw a relationship into the mix and you start pulling out your hairs because you feel stressed already. It sounds really tempting to skip work and go on a fun filled date with your beau but on the other hand, you can’t sacrifice your career goals simply because you want a strong relationship with your man. The good news is that you are not the only woman who’s been in such a situation. Even better news is that it’s entirely possible to manage your career and your love life.
Quick fact: People in successful relationships make more money, are healthier, live longer and get more promotions than single people do.
So how exactly can you balance your relationship and your career without compromising any of them?
Get your priorities in order
Do you find yourself putting more weight on one aspect of your life than the other? It happens and that’s just how life is but you can do something to change the situation. As a career woman, you can’t let your co-workers or your boss think that you don’t care about your job. On the other hand, you don’t want your beau to think that you care more about your job than you care about him. So how do you handle the situation?
Simply show your beau and your co-workers that they are a significant part of your life. When they feel they are valuable to you, neither one of them will feel like you are prioritizing one over the other.
Keep your job and your love life separate
When a woman loves, she loves for real but like they always say…
love is blind and it makes us do stupid things. In relationships, sometimes one partner might manipulate the other in order to get their way. It stops being cute when one of you feels like their partner is always twisting their arm to get what they want. So what are the obvious signs that your man is manipulating you?
You hate yourself for saying yes all the time
It makes you feel so weak and you wish you could just get up in his face and tell him “NO”.
Kate: my ex moved into my house because he’d lost his job. I thought I was helping the guy who would eventually marry me and let me have his kids. What I didn’t realize was that he also expected me to sustain his lifestyle. I am naturally generous and he knew that so he would ask me for money to go hang out with his friends or go on a shopping spree. What hurt me the most was that I was too timid to tell him no.
You get nervous when they ask you for a favor
Whenever your man asks you for a favor you get nervous because you know they’ll ask something you don’t want to do but you’ll do it anyway.
Kate: After a while, he came to me claiming he had a number of “projects” in the pipeline. He asked me for money to fund his projects but the problem was I never saw what he was working on. When I didn’t have any more money to give him, he started accusing me of not supporting his dreams. So I reluctantly asked a friend to loan me the cash. I even started tapping into my emergency fund account.
You justify your actions
Carly is 35 years old.
She is attractive, she works out, runs her own jewelry business, she recently went back to school for her Ph.D and she is currently in the process of starting her own clothing line. When she is not working she goes swimming or hangs out with her friends. Her friends describe her as a fun loving woman who is full of energy and has a great sense of humor. But according to her family and friends, she has one problem… she is single.
Her friends tell her that she is too intense. Men want a woman they can go home to after a long day at work. Carly finds this kind of reasoning to be ridiculous. Why should she give up her career just to please a man (not that she ever would)? Are men really that intimidated by a strong successful woman?
Strong successful women only intimidate weak, passive men with no ambition
Thank God the 50s are long gone. Women are now go getters and just as successful as men. Giving up what you’ve worked hard for in order to be considered “datable” is unacceptable. If a man is not ambitious enough to go after what he wants, then definitely he will be intimidated by a woman who does. One thing about these types of men is that they are generally intimidated by anyone who is successful regardless of sex.
Men who are intimidated by strong successful women are intimidated by the power
Of course a strong successful woman is not a doormat. She is aggressive and doesn’t let herself be taken for granted. She has the power to say no or yes. This power is what intimidates many men.
It’s just an excuse that some men use.
On your way to finding true love, four types of guys will break your heart:
The guy who will probably hurt you the most is the player because he will make you feel so foolish. This guy doesn’t care if he hurts you. Hell, he doesn’t care what you think about him. He will hit and quit at the blink of an eye. The good thing about being played by a player is that you learn your lesson. You learn how to spot them from a mile away. Most people will tell you to stay as far away from the player as possible, but here, we will show you how to outplay this guy and beat him at his own game.
Blow hot and cold
A player is used to getting attention from his women. He knows they can’t get enough of him so go ahead and give him some attention and then disappear. Do this for a while and he will start wondering where you are and why you are giving him the cold shoulder. He isn’t used to getting mixed signals from women so when you start blowing hot and cold, you will definitely have his attention.
Let the player talk about himself during your dates. Let him share with you his interests, his passion or whatever else he wants to share with you. You on the other hand, shouldn’t share everything about you all at once. Share just enough to keep him interested and coming back for more.
Blow him away
There’s this woman; let’s call her Jackie.
So Jackie has been going out with this guy for a while now and she thinks he is the greatest. In fact, when they are together, they have a blast but there’s one huge problem. The guy disappears for periods at a time. He doesn’t reply to her texts or her calls. Jackie talks to him every time about his distancing behaviors and he apologizes but after a few days of lovey dovey, he disappears again. Jackie wants to know what the deal with this guy is.
The answer is simple…the guy is emotionally unavailable. Such guys can lead you on for years if you let them. This is your best shot at finding out if your man is emotionally unavailable. Here are a few signs you should look out for.
This is a no brainer but you’d be surprised at how many women are willing to let this time waster into their lives. This guy is probably a charmer otherwise, how do you explain his ability to lure women into relationships with them? He will convince you that he is not in love with his wife but who is he going home to at the end of the day? We bet he has canceled several dates because God forbid he should miss his kid’s dance recital because of you. Do you really want to be the other woman? The mistress? Don’t waste your time with this guy.
If only you could change a man’s ways…
The good news is, you actually can, but only if he wants to, or is able to change.
It’s never been about what you say but it’s about how you say it. How you say what you say can make him love you more or less.
Here’s a scenario. Jackie met this guy that she really liked. All her friends told her the guy was a loser, lazy and self-centered. But in a span of just a few weeks, the guy transformed into a loyal, loving and completely new man. Sounds like a fairy tale right? So what did Jackie do that other women could not?
The answer is pretty simple…Jackie knew one very important secret about men. They need to be emotionally invested in the relationship. We gave you signs to help you recognize an emotionally unavailable man in a previous article, so use it to spot the available ones.
Men who are not emotionally invested in anything are lazy, weak and have no ambition in life. Think about athletes, for example. They are so passionate about what they do that they are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best. They have invested in their career emotionally.
So do you want your man to invest emotionally in your relationship? Here are four words you should use to help you move things along:
Words of honor build endearment and fondness in your relationship. For instance, let’s take a look at two replies to the same question.
Boyfriend: Will you call Liz and her husband to confirm we are coming over for dinner?
Answer 1: Yes
Answer 2: yes my love