We’ve all been looked at like “poor girl”
when someone finds out that you’re single. The look that says what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you have a man? A lot of people just don’t think it’s possible or even normal to be single and happy.
To avoid that dismaying look, some women will languish in less than satisfying relationships so that they don’t have to say they are single. The good news is that more and more women just don’t give a damn about what you think of their romantic life. And refuse to stay in relationships that are stressful, have no possibility of going to the next level, or are just plain boring, to satisfy someone else.
Here are eight reasons some women remain single:
1. You’re not ready for a commitment
You just aren’t ready to commit. You like the excitement of dating without the pressure of being in a committed relationship. You are upfront with guys so there won’t be any confusion or drama when they don’t hear from you for weeks or months on end. You are happy playing the field and not ready to settle down.
2. You’re focused on your career
While others have a job, you have a career, and it’s important to you to focus on that and go as far as you can in it. Without a steady man in your life, you’re free to work late or weekends if necessary. You can take extended business trips without worrying about a partner. This freedom can lead to promotions, higher pay, and an in with your boss.
3. You don’t like answering to someone
Marriage is not for everyone.
It’s almost every girl’s wish to get married to the guy of her dreams in an amazing wedding. But for me, marriage is not a priority in life, and it will probably never be. Here are my reasons:
I don’t want to get stuck in a rut
Arguing over the same things over and over with my husband is not the life I envision for myself. Let’s face it; married couples argue over the same shit constantly.
“You don’t clean up after yourself!”
“You are a nag!”
“You always forget to take out the trash.”
“You never pay attention to me!”
Seriously? I can’t deal with another person’s irritating habits and petty problems for the rest of my life. Marriage is forever until death do you part. No thanks. I’d like to be able to just pick up and leave when I’m just not feeling the relationship anymore.
I like my freedom
Before doing anything, I’ll have to consult my husband. I won’t be able to go on unplanned road trips without informing my husband. For the rest of my life, I won’t be able to do whatever the heck I want without being concerned with the needs and wishes of my partner.
Marriage adds a lot of red tape and bureaucracy in the relationship
When I get married, I’ll have to change my name on my documents since I imagine I’ll be taking my husband’s last name. That’s just too much work. Besides, I like my maiden name, and I would like to keep it. And no, I won’t be comfortable hyphenating my name.
I believe marriage is outdated
Society is beginning to embrace different types of relationships. They are embracing gay relationships, single parent relationships committed but non-marriage relationships, among others. People are slowly moving away from the idea that women have to get married to have children or a stable, loving relationship. They are beginning to accept that it’s not the only path to follow.
I don’t want to deal with my husband’s family
Self-respect is the keystone to being a woman.
Women who know their worth, and value being respected are rarely taken advantage of by men, or women for that matter. She knows the importance of boundaries, and there are certain things she would never do for a man because she would lose his respect and more importantly her self-respect. With that said, these are some of the things that should be on your list of things-not-to-do for a man:
1. Don’t Compromise On Your Values
So he wants to have kids but doesn’t want to get married – you prefer to get married and have kids. Should you compromise? He wants to have sex before marriage, but you want to wait until after you’re married. Should you compromise?
The answer is; you shouldn’t because you will regret it two weeks or one year down the line. Find someone who shares the same values as you instead.
2. Don’t give it up to keep him in love
If he says that you need to have sex with him to prove that you love him, then that’s not real love. Sex is not love, and love is not sex. Those are two different things. Besides, there’s no guarantee that when you give it up, he will stick around. In fact, there’s a high chance he will leave you twisting in the wind the moment you give in to his sexual advances.
3. Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time
Let’s be real here; women have a biological clock, and the last thing you need is for a man to waste your time. So you have been dating five years. Is he ever going to put a ring on it? If you are both financially stable, have great jobs and have been dating for more than a year, there is absolutely no reason why you should let him string you along for another five or ten years.
4. Don’t Get Knocked Up To Keep Him
This is a no-brainer. You don’t need to get pregnant to make a man see you are meant to be together. If he doesn’t see a future with you without a baby in your womb, then it’s time to call it quits.
5. Don’t Ever Chase A Man
No matter how confident you are in your everyday life, when it comes to relationships it’s all too easy for insecurity to creep in. No matter how loyal your boyfriend is, or how great your life together may be, you may still harbor fears that he is cheating. That he will find someone new, or that the spark is slowly seeping out of your sex life.
The fact that those fears are often unfounded does not make them any less real. Perception is reality, and if you want to overcome insecurity in your relationship you need to change the way you look at yourself. Here are 10 tips you can start using right now.
#1. Practice Turning Negative Thoughts Into Positive Ones
You do not have to be a meditation guru to turn your negative thoughts into positive affirmations. Just think about the things that bug you and make you feel insecure, then look for more positive ways to express those thoughts. You might not get it right 100% of the time, but practice makes perfect.
#2. Stop Obsessing
Obsessing over your insecurities will not make them go away. In fact, obsessing over things you wish were different will just make those problems loom larger in your life.
The next time you find yourself obsessing about something that makes you insecure, try looking for ways to change it. If you can change it, work out a plan to do so. If it cannot be changed, stop obsessing and let it go.
#3. Make Time for Yourself
You do not have to be your boyfriend’s servant and mother. You and your partner should be on equal footing, and you should not be afraid to make time for yourself. If your boyfriend does not understand that you need me time once in a while, you need a new boyfriend.
#4. Understand that Your Partner Still Has Eyes
He’s a man. He can’t help looking at an attractive woman from time to time. If he didn’t respond to good looking women, he wouldn’t be your boyfriend in the first place. Learn to stop obsessing about every wayward glance, and resist the urge to punish your boyfriend for a mere look.
Has somebody wronged you in a way that you find hard to forgive?
Are you holding on to resentment and anger? These types of emotions have a way of controlling us. Would you like to learn to not live in a constant state of hatred or resentment? The answer lies in forgiveness.
When you think of forgiveness, you may be inclined to think that you would be doing it for the benefit of the person against whom you hold resentment. The fact is that forgiveness is the only way to achieve serenity and peace of mind. How many times in a day do you think about the wrong done to you? How often do you think about something you would say or do to get back at the person who wronged you? The reality is that you are allowing another person to control your emotional state of being.
When you forgive another person, you’re not telling them that what they did was okay. Perhaps you have suffered a real tragedy at the hands of another person. Forgiveness is about your being able to let go of strong feelings that dominate you. When you forgive another person you are taking charge of your life and making the decision not to let another person ‘rent free space in your head’.
How to Forgive
Benching is when you start dating someone you think may have potential,
but you’re not crazy about them. You’re not sure whether to keep dating them or dump them and move on to the next one. So you keep them in your mental “maybe” folder and “bench” them for later consideration. Keeping in contact just enough so that they think you’re still interested in them.
Ghosting is the act of suddenly stopping all communication with someone you’re dating but no longer wishes to be in a relationship with. This is done in hopes that the person you were dating will “get the hint” and move on without you having to take any further action.
1. With ghosting, people get the message quickly.
No one wants to be ghosted, it’s cowardly, rude and hurtful, but at least you get the message after a week or so. With benching, you could be led on for months.
2. Major ego builder for the bencher.
Let’s be real here — a lot of guys who bench do so because they like the idea of having their own “harem” of women to choose from. They’re looking to stroke their egos at the expense of others’ feeling while also keeping their options open.
3. Unlike ghosting, there’s no reason to bench.
Guys like to tell themselves they’re being honest when they bench a woman. They’re not sneaking around, they haven’t agreed to any commitment, so there shouldn’t be any expectations on the woman’s part. When a man ghosts, they typically do so because they don’t feel comfortable with breakups and want to avoid any drama that might arise from ending a relationship. In other words, because they’re cowards.
4. Both ghosting and benching say a lot about who you are.
It shows that they’re a coward. It indicates that they don’t respect the other person’s feelings. It also proves that the only person they care about is themselves.
How many of these signs do you identify with?
Too often, women don’t recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it’s because of their naiveté or worse, being in denial. Signs of a bad relationship can be subtle, something you can brush off as a few bad days, or just going through a rough patch. Fortunately, most signs are as clear as a sunny day; you just have to be willing to see them.
Whatever your reason, no one should ever settle for anything less than a loving and respectful relationship. If any of these toxic red flags apply to you, it’s time to move on – time will not make any of these signs acceptable.
You start doubting your self-worth
No one should ever make you feel like you’re unworthy, especially someone who says they love you. A caring partner should remind you of how much you mean to them and how amazing you are, even if you don’t require the reminders.
You’ve felt unsafe at ANY point
Don’t make excuses like “It was in the heat of the moment,” or tell yourself “It won’t happen again.” You should never, ever feel or be threatened. Physically or verbally.
You have to ask permission
You are not a child. Taking your partner’s thoughts into consideration is fine, but you should be able to do what you think is best without fear of reprisal from your significant other (SO).
You can’t fully be yourself
Trying to be something you’re not, or suppressing certain parts of you is not sustainable. If your SO can’t love all of you, then they sure as hell don’t deserve any of you.
You do whatever it takes to avoid a fight
You want to avoid arguments, so you acquiesce, lie, sneak around, or refuse to address things. You might think you’re helping your relationship, but you’re not. The fear of confrontations or breaking up isn’t reason enough to be passive.
You fight often
What’s the best way to get your ideal brows?
Plucking (tweezing), threading and waxing are the methods used most to get the manicured look you’re going for. While you might want to go with what looks trendy and mainstream, there is a need to have a close look at what each one of these styles give you.
Threading allows for perfect definition
For those who choose to go with this method, it is highly detailed. It allows you to carve out a shape for the brow according to your own preferences, creating a sharp look that stays on for quite a bit and remains very noticeable.
Here, you are handling hairs at a very individual level. You do not deal with a clump of hairs, but working with every single piece until the end, which gives you the flexibility to carve out a sharp finish at the end.
It is fast
With threading, there is not much in the way of intricacies. All that the technician needs to do is move from a single piece of hair to the next. The entire process is much faster than tweezing.
Threading is a very fast process that focuses more on getting things done than actually providing quality. You will therefore find that the hair removal process is rather careless, providing substandard results.
You can choose to go for tweezing services from professionals, but it is not absolutely necessary, because it is a simple enough process to carry out in front of your mirror.
He seemed to have his shit together… for a minute.
It’s during the dating period of a relationship when you should be able to spot red flags that signal a problem. You want to recognize these negative qualities before your relationship becomes more serious. The following are four signs that the man you’re dating may be unstable.
1. He declares his love on the first date
Even if the man you’re dating thinks he’s fallen in love with you very early on, expressing this love is a bad idea. Confessing love so early on may mean that he’s a clingy boyfriend or expect the relationship to advance quickly. He may be needy of love, affection, and attention that you aren’t quite ready to give yet. People who quickly declare love are thought to do so with everyone they meet because they are desperate to be in a relationship.
2. He threatens self-harm
If the man you’re dating threatens to harm or kill himself, you are dating an unstable man. He may threaten to hurt himself if you decide to end your relationship, but remember that this is not an act of love. Even if he never does any harm to himself and only uses it as a threat to get his way or gain sympathy, this behavior is unacceptable and is a clear sign of instability.
3. He knows info about you that you didn’t tell him
Is he still pining over his ex?
You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his ex.
He still gets emotional whenever he talks about his ex
Does your boyfriend get that far-away look in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles when he mentions his ex? Or does he blowup and call her a bitch? Either scenario might signal that he is not totally over her. You may be setting yourself up for heartache if you get involved with a man who still harbors feelings for his last love. No one wants to be the rebound girl, because it rarely works out in your favor.
He can’t stop comparing you to her
Who the hell wants to constantly be compared to their boyfriend’s ex? Most of the time it’s done in a complimentary way. He might say that you have a sweet smile just like his last girlfriend, or his ex was gentle and kind just like you.
Of course there is the other side of the spectrum where he may suggest that his ex is smarter or more athletic (which is code for skinnier) than you. No matter how the comparisons are done, he probably still has feelings for his ex.
He still talks with her… a lot
You have found the one.
The process of falling in love with this guy has been exciting and you treasure every moment but somehow you feel like you are doing too much. Well, in every relationship you have to make some adjustments so that you can establish a strong bond. Some women are happy quitting their jobs to raise a family while others prefer not to have kids at all. But how much is too much when deciding what to sacrifice for your relationship? We’ll highlight a few things we think women should never sacrifice for their men.
You worked so hard to get to where you are but all of a sudden this guy walks into your life and you are ready to give it all up? Well, we don’t know about you but that’s just insane. In fact, it’s not something a strong, confident woman would do. If a guy loves you, he will encourage you to follow your dreams, not to give them up. Don’t be surprised when he leaves for another woman and helps her achieve her dreams.
Honestly, your relationship will never work if you compromise your values. We all have our own set of moral values and principles that we live by. If you believe in marriage then babies, don’t let a guy cheat you into having babies then marriage. It won’t be fair to you. Besides, if a guy doesn’t respect your values and principles, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. A guy will always respect a woman who stands firmly by her principles even if he breaks up with her.
Managing your career is already hard enough.
Throw a relationship into the mix and you start pulling out your hairs because you feel stressed already. It sounds really tempting to skip work and go on a fun filled date with your beau but on the other hand, you can’t sacrifice your career goals simply because you want a strong relationship with your man. The good news is that you are not the only woman who’s been in such a situation. Even better news is that it’s entirely possible to manage your career and your love life.
Quick fact: People in successful relationships make more money, are healthier, live longer and get more promotions than single people do.
So how exactly can you balance your relationship and your career without compromising any of them?
Get your priorities in order
Do you find yourself putting more weight on one aspect of your life than the other? It happens and that’s just how life is but you can do something to change the situation. As a career woman, you can’t let your co-workers or your boss think that you don’t care about your job. On the other hand, you don’t want your beau to think that you care more about your job than you care about him. So how do you handle the situation?
Simply show your beau and your co-workers that they are a significant part of your life. When they feel they are valuable to you, neither one of them will feel like you are prioritizing one over the other.
Keep your job and your love life separate