You have found the one.
The process of falling in love with this guy has been exciting and you treasure every moment but somehow you feel like you are doing too much. Well, in every relationship you have to make some adjustments so that you can establish a strong bond. Some women are happy quitting their jobs to raise a family while others prefer not to have kids at all. But how much is too much when deciding what to sacrifice for your relationship? We’ll highlight a few things we think women should never sacrifice for their men.
You worked so hard to get to where you are but all of a sudden this guy walks into your life and you are ready to give it all up? Well, we don’t know about you but that’s just insane. In fact, it’s not something a strong, confident woman would do. If a guy loves you, he will encourage you to follow your dreams, not to give them up. Don’t be surprised when he leaves for another woman and helps her achieve her dreams.
Honestly, your relationship will never work if you compromise your values. We all have our own set of moral values and principles that we live by. If you believe in marriage then babies, don’t let a guy cheat you into having babies then marriage. It won’t be fair to you. Besides, if a guy doesn’t respect your values and principles, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. A guy will always respect a woman who stands firmly by her principles even if he breaks up with her.
Managing your career is already hard enough.
Throw a relationship into the mix and you start pulling out your hairs because you feel stressed already. It sounds really tempting to skip work and go on a fun filled date with your beau but on the other hand, you can’t sacrifice your career goals simply because you want a strong relationship with your man. The good news is that you are not the only woman who’s been in such a situation. Even better news is that it’s entirely possible to manage your career and your love life.
Quick fact: People in successful relationships make more money, are healthier, live longer and get more promotions than single people do.
So how exactly can you balance your relationship and your career without compromising any of them?
Get your priorities in order
Do you find yourself putting more weight on one aspect of your life than the other? It happens and that’s just how life is but you can do something to change the situation. As a career woman, you can’t let your co-workers or your boss think that you don’t care about your job. On the other hand, you don’t want your beau to think that you care more about your job than you care about him. So how do you handle the situation?
Simply show your beau and your co-workers that they are a significant part of your life. When they feel they are valuable to you, neither one of them will feel like you are prioritizing one over the other.
Keep your job and your love life separate
When a woman loves, she loves for real but like they always say…
love is blind and it makes us do stupid things. In relationships, sometimes one partner might manipulate the other in order to get their way. It stops being cute when one of you feels like their partner is always twisting their arm to get what they want. So what are the obvious signs that your man is manipulating you?
You hate yourself for saying yes all the time
It makes you feel so weak and you wish you could just get up in his face and tell him “NO”.
Kate: my ex moved into my house because he’d lost his job. I thought I was helping the guy who would eventually marry me and let me have his kids. What I didn’t realize was that he also expected me to sustain his lifestyle. I am naturally generous and he knew that so he would ask me for money to go hang out with his friends or go on a shopping spree. What hurt me the most was that I was too timid to tell him no.
You get nervous when they ask you for a favor
Whenever your man asks you for a favor you get nervous because you know they’ll ask something you don’t want to do but you’ll do it anyway.
Kate: After a while, he came to me claiming he had a number of “projects” in the pipeline. He asked me for money to fund his projects but the problem was I never saw what he was working on. When I didn’t have any more money to give him, he started accusing me of not supporting his dreams. So I reluctantly asked a friend to loan me the cash. I even started tapping into my emergency fund account.
You justify your actions
Carly is 35 years old.
She is attractive, she works out, runs her own jewelry business, she recently went back to school for her Ph.D and she is currently in the process of starting her own clothing line. When she is not working she goes swimming or hangs out with her friends. Her friends describe her as a fun loving woman who is full of energy and has a great sense of humor. But according to her family and friends, she has one problem… she is single.
Her friends tell her that she is too intense. Men want a woman they can go home to after a long day at work. Carly finds this kind of reasoning to be ridiculous. Why should she give up her career just to please a man (not that she ever would)? Are men really that intimidated by a strong successful woman?
Strong successful women only intimidate weak, passive men with no ambition
Thank God the 50s are long gone. Women are now go getters and just as successful as men. Giving up what you’ve worked hard for in order to be considered “datable” is unacceptable. If a man is not ambitious enough to go after what he wants, then definitely he will be intimidated by a woman who does. One thing about these types of men is that they are generally intimidated by anyone who is successful regardless of sex.
Men who are intimidated by strong successful women are intimidated by the power
Of course a strong successful woman is not a doormat. She is aggressive and doesn’t let herself be taken for granted. She has the power to say no or yes. This power is what intimidates many men.
It’s just an excuse that some men use.
On your way to finding true love, four types of guys will break your heart:
The guy who will probably hurt you the most is the player because he will make you feel so foolish. This guy doesn’t care if he hurts you. Hell, he doesn’t care what you think about him. He will hit and quit at the blink of an eye. The good thing about being played by a player is that you learn your lesson. You learn how to spot them from a mile away. Most people will tell you to stay as far away from the player as possible, but here, we will show you how to outplay this guy and beat him at his own game.
Blow hot and cold
A player is used to getting attention from his women. He knows they can’t get enough of him so go ahead and give him some attention and then disappear. Do this for a while and he will start wondering where you are and why you are giving him the cold shoulder. He isn’t used to getting mixed signals from women so when you start blowing hot and cold, you will definitely have his attention.
Let the player talk about himself during your dates. Let him share with you his interests, his passion or whatever else he wants to share with you. You on the other hand, shouldn’t share everything about you all at once. Share just enough to keep him interested and coming back for more.
Blow him away
There’s this woman; let’s call her Jackie.
So Jackie has been going out with this guy for a while now and she thinks he is the greatest. In fact, when they are together, they have a blast but there’s one huge problem. The guy disappears for periods at a time. He doesn’t reply to her texts or her calls. Jackie talks to him every time about his distancing behaviors and he apologizes but after a few days of lovey dovey, he disappears again. Jackie wants to know what the deal with this guy is.
The answer is simple…the guy is emotionally unavailable. Such guys can lead you on for years if you let them. This is your best shot at finding out if your man is emotionally unavailable. Here are a few signs you should look out for.
This is a no brainer but you’d be surprised at how many women are willing to let this time waster into their lives. This guy is probably a charmer otherwise, how do you explain his ability to lure women into relationships with them? He will convince you that he is not in love with his wife but who is he going home to at the end of the day? We bet he has canceled several dates because God forbid he should miss his kid’s dance recital because of you. Do you really want to be the other woman? The mistress? Don’t waste your time with this guy.
If only you could change a man’s ways…
The good news is, you actually can, but only if he wants to, or is able to change.
It’s never been about what you say but it’s about how you say it. How you say what you say can make him love you more or less.
Here’s a scenario. Jackie met this guy that she really liked. All her friends told her the guy was a loser, lazy and self-centered. But in a span of just a few weeks, the guy transformed into a loyal, loving and completely new man. Sounds like a fairy tale right? So what did Jackie do that other women could not?
The answer is pretty simple…Jackie knew one very important secret about men. They need to be emotionally invested in the relationship. We gave you signs to help you recognize an emotionally unavailable man in a previous article, so use it to spot the available ones.
Men who are not emotionally invested in anything are lazy, weak and have no ambition in life. Think about athletes, for example. They are so passionate about what they do that they are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best. They have invested in their career emotionally.
So do you want your man to invest emotionally in your relationship? Here are four words you should use to help you move things along:
Words of honor build endearment and fondness in your relationship. For instance, let’s take a look at two replies to the same question.
Boyfriend: Will you call Liz and her husband to confirm we are coming over for dinner?
Answer 1: Yes
Answer 2: yes my love
Let’s just start by saying cheating boyfriends shouldn’t be forgiven easily, if at all.
If he cheats on you, break up with him or talk to him…just don’t let him disrespect or humiliate you again. But sometimes love can be so strong you just don’t see how you can break it off with your boyfriend just because of one discrepancy.
Most women are afraid that if they forgive their significant other for cheating, people will think they are weak or stupid. But take the example of Hillary Clinton. She got cheated on by her husband but she took him back anyway. The only person who ended up with egg on her face was Monica Lewinsky, the mistress. It takes a strong woman to forgive a cheating boyfriend so if you must take him back, make sure he does these six things:
He has to let go of the other woman
He has to kick her to the curb. It doesn’t matter if he has known her since kindergarten. In fact, he has to end things with her if he has known her since kindergarten. If they have known each other for that long, there are probably feelings involved and whatever was going on between them was more than sexual so there’s a high chance he might cheat again if she sticks around. Giving up his friend is a huge sacrifice but after what he put you through, he had better do it. Besides, what sort of friend is she if she doesn’t mind breaking up relationships?
He has to invest back into the relationship
You might love your partner more than you love anyone else, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is healthy. A relationship can seem like a loving and devoted one to the outside world, but if any of these ten behaviors are present in your relationship, you might want to consider that your relationship may be unhealthy.
When you have a problem, whether it is with your spouse or with something else in your life, it’s important that you feel comfortable going to your partner with these concerns. If you feel more comfortable going to someone else for support, this is a sign that your relationship is not as loving as you thought. It’s important that you can go to your partner with whatever feelings you’re having and know you will find comfort.
Being in a brand new relationship can cause some people to see less of their family and friends than they did before. This is not a phase that should last very long. As your relationship progresses you should resume seeing your family and having nights out with friends. A good relationship is not one where only your partner matters and you are isolated from those who are important to you.
Being blamed for your partner’s lack of success is not a healthy dynamic for a relationship. Healthy relationships are all about support. You can encourage your partner to follow a dream, but you can’t achieve a dream for someone else. Your partner has to do the work. It’s not healthy for you to feel that you’re responsible for your partner’s success or lack-thereof. If your partner blames you for their lack of success, it’s only to make themselves feel better and this is very unhealthy.
When you get into a relationship with a man, you get into a relationship with his friends and family members whether you like it or not. You might be lucky to get into a relationship with a man who has super cool friends and you all get along but what if you are not fortunate enough? What if you find his friends to be rude, ignorant and arrogant? What if you just hate their attitudes? It might not be all his friends but there’s that one friend who gets on your nerves every time. The bad news is you can’t get rid of his friends but the good news is you can learn to deal with them. Here’s how to go about it.
Look beyond the first impression
So maybe the first time you met him you didn’t like him very much but if you give him a second chance you might get to know him better. Maybe he was just having a bad day when you met him or he has issues going on in his life. We are not saying that just because he has issues going on in his life or he was having a bad day you should put up with his behavior towards you but it will help you understand him better.
Bring your friends along
Letting go of Mr. Wrong can be just as hard as finding Mr. Right.
You are likely to encounter at least one guy that’s bad for you in your love life (probably more than one). He might be an addict, abusive, a guy who is not emotionally available, a cheater, or a player. Here are clear signs that you should ditch Mr. Wrong before it’s too late.
He is still seeing other women
Before we expound on this you should know one thing…if you have only been on one or two dates, you have no right to lay claim over this guy and neither does he. This is because you aren’t exclusive yet and he is still testing the waters. At this stage, you shouldn’t be taking things so seriously.
But if you have been dating this guy consistently for at least six months and he is still seeing other women, you should ditch him. He is wasting your time. He is obviously still keeping his options open and it’s an obvious sign things aren’t working out between you two. Don’t make the mistake of hanging in there waiting for him to make up his mind.
You are on and off
Remember in Sex and the City how Mr. Big and Carrie Bradshaw dated on and off for ten years. Even though they eventually got married, the on and off thing was a time waster for Carrie. She could have spent those ten years building a fruitful relationship with Mr. Big.
Things were going really well for you and just when you thought he was ready to take your relationship to the next level, he disappeared. It’s not that there wasn’t signs telling you something was wrong. He stopped taking your calls, replying to your messages and asking you out on dates. When you asked him about it he said it’s because he was busy at work. Because you didn’t want to appear needy, you gave him space because you knew he would come back around and things would go back to the way they were. But that’s not what happened. He stopped talking to you altogether and you were left wondering why he didn’t just break up with you instead of pulling a fade away break up. Well, we have a few ideas why he pulled that move
We all know breaking up isn’t easy. Most of the time it involves so much emotion and heart break that men prefer to just slowly pull away. He didn’t want to have “the talk” with you because it would have forced him to look for the right words to “gently” tell you he was no longer into you. He also didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Let’s face it; no one wants to hear that they aren’t good enough for the person they love.