How many of these signs do you identify with?
Too often, women don’t recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it’s because of their naiveté or worse, being in denial. Signs of a bad relationship can be subtle, something you can brush off as a few bad days, or just going through a rough patch. Fortunately, most signs are as clear as a sunny day; you just have to be willing to see them.
Whatever your reason, no one should ever settle for anything less than a loving and respectful relationship. If any of these toxic red flags apply to you, it’s time to move on – time will not make any of these signs acceptable.
You start doubting your self-worth
No one should ever make you feel like you’re unworthy, especially someone who says they love you. A caring partner should remind you of how much you mean to them and how amazing you are, even if you don’t require the reminders.
You’ve felt unsafe at ANY point
Don’t make excuses like “It was in the heat of the moment,” or tell yourself “It won’t happen again.” You should never, ever feel or be threatened. Physically or verbally.
You have to ask permission
You are not a child. Taking your partner’s thoughts into consideration is fine, but you should be able to do what you think is best without fear of reprisal from your significant other (SO).
You can’t fully be yourself
Trying to be something you’re not, or suppressing certain parts of you is not sustainable. If your SO can’t love all of you, then they sure as hell don’t deserve any of you.
You do whatever it takes to avoid a fight
You want to avoid arguments, so you acquiesce, lie, sneak around, or refuse to address things. You might think you’re helping your relationship, but you’re not. The fear of confrontations or breaking up isn’t reason enough to be passive.
You fight often
All couples have disagreements. Even the happiest ones, but if you’re living in a daily war zone, your relationship is unhealthy. Don’t mistake fighting for passion.
Your partner makes you feel bad about yourself
If your partner loved you as much as he claims, he would never do anything to make you feel bad about yourself intentionally. A snarky comment or a condescending tone is unacceptable.
Your work life is affected
Staying in contact with each other throughout the day is fine – to a certain extent. If your SO is always calling, texting, or God-forbid stopping by your job to check-up on you, that’s a sign of mistrust. Mistrust will not only hurt your productivity but will ruin your focus and mood at work.
You’re always afraid you’re doing something wrong
That constant anxiety of not knowing the state of your relationship can be debilitating. “Is he mad at me?” “What did I do this time?” These are not questions that one should have to worry about in a healthy partnership.
You put your needs on the back burner
Your relationship should not revolve around him. Your wants and needs are equally as important, and you should feel comfortable voicing them.
You bring out the worst in each other
You know how to trigger his dark side, just as he knows which buttons to push to get your dander up. And neither of you are afraid to bring out the knives. Healthy relationships inspire the best in each other, not the worst.
You’re a doormat
You always forgive him, no matter how hurt you are. This behavior becomes a vicious cycle where he does something wrong, says “I’m sorry,” and you forgive him. Over and over and over.
Just thinking about breaking up brings you relief
If being without your partner sounds and feels like a better choice, go for it.
You’re afraid to voice your opinion
If expressing your opinion is enough to spark a fight, you are not in a good place.
Your SO gives you ultimatums
You are being manipulated if your SO uses the threat of a breakup to get what he wants. He wants power over you because he is probably insecure and has no other means to get what he wants.
Your relationship feels like a roller coaster
Some stay in an unhealthy relationship because it never gets boring. Without being aware of it, they might even find a thrill in always being kept on their toes. But for a couple to happily survive, there needs to be stability and consistency.
There’s no trust
Regardless of how healthy a relationship seems, a lack of trust will be its downfall. Doubt can weaken and quickly cloud many positive aspects of the relationship. Insecurity may result in the inability to trust one’s partner, and in turn, cause them to become controlling.
You make excuses for your partner
You are always coming to the defense of your partner because you want others to think that everything is fine or you’re embarrassed by the things they do. You are not only trying to fool others but yourself.
People tell you you’re not yourself
Family and friends will probably be the first to notice any mood or personality changes in you, sometimes even before you do. If your loved ones are telling you that you’ve changed, no longer seem happy or have taken on some of your SO’s bad habits — listen and reflect.
Your partner blames you — a lot
It’s exhausting and unfair always to take the fall for any bumps in your relationship. If your SO can’t accept responsibility for their mistakes, it’s not your job to fix it all.
You change your opinions to fit theirs
You don’t voice any opinions until after your partner has expressed theirs. Or maybe your partner imposes their beliefs on you rather than respecting your own. Either way is unacceptable.
Your social life has taken a downturn
Investing all your energy into your SO can have you ignoring everyone else in your life. Your SO should not be your entire life; it’s not healthy. You need personal time to do the things you enjoyed before the relationship.
You feel like you’re stuck
The fear of being alone or unable to find someone better than your current partner can be paralyzing. You may think you can’t survive on your own. You can.
There’s more negativity than positivity
A relationship shouldn’t be a constant uphill battle. There has to be plenty of fun and easy going days. If there are more bad days than good — what’s the point?
There’s a lack of respect
For any relationship to thrive, there MUST be mutual respect present. Never tolerate anything less.
You picture yourself happier
Ok, so this probably should have been the first sign because nothing else matters if you’re unhappy with the person you’re with. If you don’t see improvement and you feel like you deserve more, then what are you waiting for?
Don’t be afraid to make the necessary changes to make your life happier — better. You’ll only regret not taking the chance to improve your situation and wasting months or years in an unhealthy relationship.
What’s the best way to get your ideal brows?
Plucking (tweezing), threading and waxing are the methods used most to get the manicured look you’re going for. While you might want to go with what looks trendy and mainstream, there is a need to have a close look at what each one of these styles give you.
Threading allows for perfect definition
For those who choose to go with this method, it is highly detailed. It allows you to carve out a shape for the brow according to your own preferences, creating a sharp look that stays on for quite a bit and remains very noticeable.
Here, you are handling hairs at a very individual level. You do not deal with a clump of hairs, but working with every single piece until the end, which gives you the flexibility to carve out a sharp finish at the end.
It is fast
With threading, there is not much in the way of intricacies. All that the technician needs to do is move from a single piece of hair to the next. The entire process is much faster than tweezing.
Threading is a very fast process that focuses more on getting things done than actually providing quality. You will therefore find that the hair removal process is rather careless, providing substandard results.
You can choose to go for tweezing services from professionals, but it is not absolutely necessary, because it is a simple enough process to carry out in front of your mirror.
You can adopt a do-it-yourself approach here, which gives you the flexibility to shape your brows according to your very specific preference. It is also a perfect way of experimenting with different looks.
The wrong tweezing could cause loss of hair
The tweezing that goes at this level is not exactly perfect. Since the process simply involves getting rid of a few hairs here and there, it could lead to the loss of some of them permanently, especially if the spacing is too close. However, there are many types of tweezers in the market, and going all in for the best helps you to avoid over-tweezing. Using a magnifying glass is probably not a very good idea, as it gives you the wrong account of spacing.
Less time and effort is spent fussing over brows
Unlike the other two, waxing has a prolonged period between the time it happens and the time the hairs grow back. This is an advantage to those who do not feel up to the task of having to tweak things all the time. It is also a welcome choice for those whose hair has a habit of growing back too quickly as it causes a delay in the natural progression from the root.
Shaping is easy
If you have long brows that tend to grow out wildly, you can manage the outcrop real easy with waxing. In addition, you can do it in such a way that the regrowth is very soft and comes back thinner than it was with earlier looks.
The final look is unnatural
Admittedly, this choice works for people with specific facial configurations. However, for others, the feeling is that the final look is too emphatic and outstanding. Since appearances have to do with the whole face rather than the brows alone, there is a fear among beauticians that the defined look will take away from the focus on other areas of the face. For those who prefer more subtle appearances, the attention waxing creates might be unsettling.
Presence of halo
After you are through with the waxing, you will notice a red halo in the area involved. Despite the fact that this halo is temporary, it is uncomfortable to most women. In addition, waxing tends to pull at the skin, which causes discomfort especially if your skin is too sensitive.
Plucking, waxing and threading are three amazing ways to manage the shape and size of your brows. Your choice will boil down to personal considerations and to a significant extent, your type of brows.
written by judekim
He seemed to have his shit together… for a minute.
It’s during the dating period of a relationship when you should be able to spot red flags that signal a problem. You want to recognize these negative qualities before your relationship becomes more serious. The following are four signs that the man you’re dating may be unstable.
1. He declares his love on the first date
Even if the man you’re dating thinks he’s fallen in love with you very early on, expressing this love is a bad idea. Confessing love so early on may mean that he’s a clingy boyfriend or expect the relationship to advance quickly. He may be needy of love, affection, and attention that you aren’t quite ready to give yet. People who quickly declare love are thought to do so with everyone they meet because they are desperate to be in a relationship.
2. He threatens self-harm
If the man you’re dating threatens to harm or kill himself, you are dating an unstable man. He may threaten to hurt himself if you decide to end your relationship, but remember that this is not an act of love. Even if he never does any harm to himself and only uses it as a threat to get his way or gain sympathy, this behavior is unacceptable and is a clear sign of instability.
3. He knows info about you that you didn’t tell him
If the man you’re dating asks you about your upcoming work party, but you never told him about it, this could be a sign that he’s unstable. Someone who goes out of his way to check up on you and possibly stalk you might be a little too interested in you; in an unhealthy way. If he continually seeks out information about your life and confronts you with “why didn’t you tell him about this”, he may be extremely insecure.
4. He responds to messages intended for you
If your friend or family member has left you a message on social media asking what you’re doing on the weekend, and the man you’re dating answers on your behalf, this is not just bad decorum, but could also be a sign that he’s unstable. Whether these messages to you are public (Facebook or Twitter) or private (email or text), the man you’re dating should leave them for you to answer. The fact that he thinks he has to answer for you shows he might be controlling and that behavior will not make for a healthy, stable relationship.
Unstable people can become controlling and even dangerous. Noticing the signs of an unstable man in the early stage of dating, can save you from an unhappy, drama filled, unhealthy relationship.
Is he still pining over his ex?
You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his ex.
He still gets emotional whenever he talks about his ex
Does your boyfriend get that far-away look in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles when he mentions his ex? Or does he blowup and call her a bitch? Either scenario might signal that he is not totally over her. You may be setting yourself up for heartache if you get involved with a man who still harbors feelings for his last love. No one wants to be the rebound girl, because it rarely works out in your favor.
He can’t stop comparing you to her
Who the hell wants to constantly be compared to their boyfriend’s ex? Most of the time it’s done in a complimentary way. He might say that you have a sweet smile just like his last girlfriend, or his ex was gentle and kind just like you.
Of course there is the other side of the spectrum where he may suggest that his ex is smarter or more athletic (which is code for skinnier) than you. No matter how the comparisons are done, he probably still has feelings for his ex.
He still talks with her… a lot
No one is saying that he can’t communicate with his ex from time to time but when he is constantly texting or talking with her, it might mean that he still hasn’t cut his emotional connection with her. Secretly, he might be hoping that they get back together, leaving you out in the cold.
He still checks her social media
If your boyfriend is always up to date on his ex’s latest post, and if his browser history is full of her social media accounts, he is still hung-up on his ex. It might be time to decide if you want to take the chance of getting too involved with someone who is not ready to move on.
He still keeps her gifts and pictures
Look, if he wants to keep an expensive piece of jewelry that his ex gave him as a present, I’m okay with that if there is no longer any sentimental attachment to it. But if he views the presents from his ex as precious mementos and thinks about her every time he looks at them, he is still smitten with his ex.
You sense that something is “off”
Every woman has it, just some choose to ignore it, while others act on it… intuition. If he is saying all the right words but his actions are telling you something different, believe his actions. A lot of us know early on in a relationship that something is not right. But we may really like the guy and give him the benefit of the doubt, even when our gut is telling us to GET THE HELL OUT!
These signs are to help you make a decision about the directions of the relationship. Don’t just sit back and hope things get better, or tell yourself that you’re just being silly. Clear the air, ask him about his feelings for his ex. Be honest about your concerns and don’t take his denials at face value. You have to remember that you deserve someone who is going to be capable of letting go of his ex and able to fully commit to a new relationship.
You have found the one.
The process of falling in love with this guy has been exciting and you treasure every moment but somehow you feel like you are doing too much. Well, in every relationship you have to make some adjustments so that you can establish a strong bond. Some women are happy quitting their jobs to raise a family while others prefer not to have kids at all. But how much is too much when deciding what to sacrifice for your relationship? We’ll highlight a few things we think women should never sacrifice for their men.
You worked so hard to get to where you are but all of a sudden this guy walks into your life and you are ready to give it all up? Well, we don’t know about you but that’s just insane. In fact, it’s not something a strong, confident woman would do. If a guy loves you, he will encourage you to follow your dreams, not to give them up. Don’t be surprised when he leaves for another woman and helps her achieve her dreams.
Honestly, your relationship will never work if you compromise your values. We all have our own set of moral values and principles that we live by. If you believe in marriage then babies, don’t let a guy cheat you into having babies then marriage. It won’t be fair to you. Besides, if a guy doesn’t respect your values and principles, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. A guy will always respect a woman who stands firmly by her principles even if he breaks up with her.
So he told you he would like it if you did something to your nose or if you added a little cushion to your derriere or if only you were a little bit skinnier. If a guy tells you to change your looks, you should tell him to go look for a woman that matches his standards of beauty. And by the way, if a man starts telling you to modify your looks, you will never satisfy him. He will always nitpick on your physical flaws no matter how much you try to look beautiful. Word of advice, stay away from such guys.
Spending all your free time with your man is a big no, no. Your friends and family are just as important so you need to divide your time. Besides, if you spend all your time with him you’ll just be smothering him. Don’t suffocate your man; go out and have fun. Join a club, find a hobby. As long as it’s something that keeps you from smothering him with your love and attention.
If you are smart then you are smart; no need to pretend that you aren’t. As a matter of fact, you don’t have to pretend to be stupid just to make your man feel intelligent. If you know how to change a flat tire or prepare your own tax returns, don’t pretend you don’t. Believe it or not, men like it when their women show them they are capable of taking care of things.
He loves you but wants to control your finances, which friends you hang out with, what you eat and what you wear. Please, that’s not love…that’s B.S. Yes, there’s the whole notion that women should let their men be dominant in the relationship but we are no longer in the 1950s where women had to do everything a man said. And if a man tries to control you, he must be suffering from inferiority complex issues. In simple language, he prefers to control his women in order to feel powerful.
If he hasn’t put a ring on it, don’t act like he has. Yes, yes, we know you’re thinking that if you perform your wifely duties he will see that you’ll make a great wife and won’t hesitate to marry you. But, believe it or not, your man already made up his mind a long time ago whether he wanted to make you his wife or not. So you don’t have to try so hard to show him you can make a great wife.
Clearly there are certain aspects of your personality that shouldn’t change for a man no matter how much you love him. You have to be true to yourself in order to be true to your relationship. Besides, there’s no guarantee that you will benefit from the relationship once you sacrifice everything for a man. Imagine sacrificing everything only to find out that he’s been cheating on you or worse, he is getting married to someone else. Now that would be a real deal breaker.
Managing your career is already hard enough.
Throw a relationship into the mix and you start pulling out your hairs because you feel stressed already. It sounds really tempting to skip work and go on a fun filled date with your beau but on the other hand, you can’t sacrifice your career goals simply because you want a strong relationship with your man. The good news is that you are not the only woman who’s been in such a situation. Even better news is that it’s entirely possible to manage your career and your love life.
Quick fact: People in successful relationships make more money, are healthier, live longer and get more promotions than single people do.
So how exactly can you balance your relationship and your career without compromising any of them?
Get your priorities in order
Do you find yourself putting more weight on one aspect of your life than the other? It happens and that’s just how life is but you can do something to change the situation. As a career woman, you can’t let your co-workers or your boss think that you don’t care about your job. On the other hand, you don’t want your beau to think that you care more about your job than you care about him. So how do you handle the situation?
Simply show your beau and your co-workers that they are a significant part of your life. When they feel they are valuable to you, neither one of them will feel like you are prioritizing one over the other.
Keep your job and your love life separate
Don’t bring your relationship issues to your work place. If you had a huge argument with your beau last night or on your way to work, don’t unleash your rage and negative emotions on your co-workers. Spend your day at work being productive. Same case applies when you are home with your beau. Don’t bring your work home. Put away your iPad and stop checking your work emails all the time.
Manage your time
If you work long hours, this can negatively affect your relationship. So you can plan a weekend getaway with your man. Make sure you plan it a week before so that he has ample time to prepare. Besides, going away for the weekend with your man will not only strengthen your relationship but it will leave you energized and eager to get back to your job. Show your man that even though you are devoted to your professional life, you are similarly devoted to your relationship with him.
Stay in touch
Just because you have a job doesn’t mean you can’t text or call your man the entire day. You can take a five minute break and send him a short private message on his phone. You can even write on his Facebook wall or give him a call. Just let him know that even though you are busy at work, you are still thinking about him. Don’t engage him in a long chat. Remember you are at work and you should stay productive. Don’t start texting him after every hour either.
Know when it’s time to cut your losses
You should really analyze just how much time you are investing in your career and in your relationship. You may be career oriented and all but if it’s interfering with your relationship and the things you love doing, then maybe it’s time you re-evaluated your career. Do you have to work long hours to make ends meet? Maybe it’s time you considered looking for a better paying job or asking for a pay increase.
On the other hand, if your man is interfering with your career goals or he is constantly complaining that you don’t spend enough time with him, then it may be time to quit the relationship. This is why it is always important to find a person who has the same ambition as you; a guy who understands that your career is just as important to you as he is.
Striking a balance between your love life and your career can be very tricky but it’s not impossible. Sometimes you might go off track and find yourself focusing more on one thing than the other. Just ensure that you assess your life goals on a regular basis and check to see whether everything is going according to plan.
When a woman loves, she loves for real but like they always say…
love is blind and it makes us do stupid things. In relationships, sometimes one partner might manipulate the other in order to get their way. It stops being cute when one of you feels like their partner is always twisting their arm to get what they want. So what are the obvious signs that your man is manipulating you?
You hate yourself for saying yes all the time
It makes you feel so weak and you wish you could just get up in his face and tell him “NO”.
Kate: my ex moved into my house because he’d lost his job. I thought I was helping the guy who would eventually marry me and let me have his kids. What I didn’t realize was that he also expected me to sustain his lifestyle. I am naturally generous and he knew that so he would ask me for money to go hang out with his friends or go on a shopping spree. What hurt me the most was that I was too timid to tell him no.
You get nervous when they ask you for a favor
Whenever your man asks you for a favor you get nervous because you know they’ll ask something you don’t want to do but you’ll do it anyway.
Kate: After a while, he came to me claiming he had a number of “projects” in the pipeline. He asked me for money to fund his projects but the problem was I never saw what he was working on. When I didn’t have any more money to give him, he started accusing me of not supporting his dreams. So I reluctantly asked a friend to loan me the cash. I even started tapping into my emergency fund account.
You justify your actions
You always convince yourself that you are doing him a favor and you are not doing it because he’s manipulating you.
Kate: I convinced myself at the time that I was the one who wanted to help my boyfriend get his projects off the ground. He wasn’t making me do anything. Of course, there’s that little voice in my head that kept telling me he was using me but I ignored it. My man loved me…he wouldn’t do that to me.
You are afraid of being a bad girlfriend
You fear that if you turn down his requests, your man will be disappointed in you.
Kate: no matter what my boyfriend asked, I gave it to him because I didn’t want him to think I was a terrible girlfriend. That’s why I tapped into my emergency funds to fund his “projects” and even ask my friends for money.
His expectations continue to grow
Your man always expects more from you. He is never satisfied no matter what you do for him.
Kate: despite the fact that I was already borrowing money to fund his projects, he still wanted us to live with his younger sister. How the hell was I supposed to feed three people when we were already living from paycheck to paycheck?
He makes you feel like you are obligated to help him
You are grateful to him that he loves and so you feel like you should do something for him.
Kate: I took in his sister despite the fact that I couldn’t even afford to feed myself. I figured that I should do this one thing for him because he was so good to me… or at least that’s what I thought back then.
He threatens to break up when you don’t do what he wants
When you refuse to do something for him, he says he will break up with you.
Kate: I decided that enough was enough when he told me that the projects he was working on just weren’t working out so he wanted to try out something else and he needed me to get the money. How the hell was I supposed to pay back all that money I had borrowed? I flat out told him NO. He actually threatened to leave me because I didn’t believe in him and he couldn’t be with someone like that. So I took a step back and asked myself if the relationship was really worth it. So I let him break up with me. Guess he didn’t love me as much as I thought he did.
Have you ever been manipulated by your partner? How did you get out of the situation?
Carly is 35 years old.
She is attractive, she works out, runs her own jewelry business, she recently went back to school for her Ph.D and she is currently in the process of starting her own clothing line. When she is not working she goes swimming or hangs out with her friends. Her friends describe her as a fun loving woman who is full of energy and has a great sense of humor. But according to her family and friends, she has one problem… she is single.
Her friends tell her that she is too intense. Men want a woman they can go home to after a long day at work. Carly finds this kind of reasoning to be ridiculous. Why should she give up her career just to please a man (not that she ever would)? Are men really that intimidated by a strong successful woman?
Strong successful women only intimidate weak, passive men with no ambition
Thank God the 50s are long gone. Women are now go getters and just as successful as men. Giving up what you’ve worked hard for in order to be considered “datable” is unacceptable. If a man is not ambitious enough to go after what he wants, then definitely he will be intimidated by a woman who does. One thing about these types of men is that they are generally intimidated by anyone who is successful regardless of sex.
Men who are intimidated by strong successful women are intimidated by the power
Of course a strong successful woman is not a doormat. She is aggressive and doesn’t let herself be taken for granted. She has the power to say no or yes. This power is what intimidates many men.
It’s just an excuse that some men use.
When some men are unable to meet a woman they can control, they quickly shift blame to the strong successful woman. Unfortunately some men are stuck in the male chauvinism glory days of the 1950s. They prefer their women to stay at home and look after the children while they go out and make money.
Most men actually think dating an accomplished woman is a nice “bonus”
If a man is attracted to you, your accomplishments will enhance that attraction. A guy looking for a serious relationship will prefer to date a woman who has more than a high school diploma, has serious work ethics and has ambitions in life. This is because he knows he will connect better with a woman who is not only intelligent but has her own goals. Once a guy finds a woman who has these qualities, he will even brag about it to his friends.
So where does the problem arise?
Here’s the deal:
No man wants to come home to a competitive, stressful environment after spending the whole day at work in a similar environment. You probably wouldn’t want that either, would you? Imagine coming home everyday to a controlling and aggressive man.
The biggest mistake you can make is treating your relationships like a business. We sometimes lead with our accomplishments instead of doing what’s best for the relationship. Most men don’t really care if a woman has ten degrees, a million dollar job or owns an island. Your achievements are just a bonus. Men are normally attracted to certain qualities in a woman such as her ability to create a feeling of peace and emotional safety in the relationship. That’s why you’ll find a guy leaving a strong successful woman for a woman who is not as smart or intelligent.
So what can you do about it?
Just keep this in mind when dating a guy:
It’s not how much you bring to the table; it’s how you make him feel when he is with you. Men want to feel like their opinion and input matters. Allow him to make the big decisions even if you are just humoring him.
If you earn more than him, you have to find a healthy balance. It’s okay to not depend on a man. In fact, we encourage that you don’t depend on a man. However, if you want to poison your relationship just act like your man isn’t needed in the relationship.
So to sum things up, not all men are intimidated by strong successful women. The few that are intimidated have their own unresolved issues. When dating, just keep in mind that the qualities which make you successful in your career shouldn’t cross too far into your relationship.
On your way to finding true love, four types of guys will break your heart:
The guy who will probably hurt you the most is the player because he will make you feel so foolish. This guy doesn’t care if he hurts you. Hell, he doesn’t care what you think about him. He will hit and quit at the blink of an eye. The good thing about being played by a player is that you learn your lesson. You learn how to spot them from a mile away. Most people will tell you to stay as far away from the player as possible, but here, we will show you how to outplay this guy and beat him at his own game.
Blow hot and cold
A player is used to getting attention from his women. He knows they can’t get enough of him so go ahead and give him some attention and then disappear. Do this for a while and he will start wondering where you are and why you are giving him the cold shoulder. He isn’t used to getting mixed signals from women so when you start blowing hot and cold, you will definitely have his attention.
Let the player talk about himself during your dates. Let him share with you his interests, his passion or whatever else he wants to share with you. You on the other hand, shouldn’t share everything about you all at once. Share just enough to keep him interested and coming back for more.
Blow him away
Players aren’t as dumb as you think. They are smart because making that many girls fall for them requires them to use their brains. So you can be sure he isn’t looking for a shallow girl. He is looking for a girl with brains, is good looking and has a great personality. So pick out your favorite LBD (little black dress), apply some make-up and slip on your favorite pair of heels. Don’t forget to wear your signature scent if you have one.
By the way, it’s a no brainer that you shouldn’t wear something that’s too revealing. Make sure your conversations are engaging and sophisticated but don’t be a show off. Make him look forward to your dates.
Don’t say yes too quickly
Players are good with words and they know exactly what to say and when to say it to melt your heart and lower your logical defenses. Before you know it, you are obsessing over him and chasing him around. In order to outplay the player you have to always be in control. Don’t say yes every time he asks you out. Don’t be that girl who is always available. Don’t jump into bed with him either. You know how it is with women. Once you sleep with him, it’s very easy for you to start liking him more than he likes you. Wait it out. Just date him casually for a while without laying all your cards on the table.
Show him you have options
Don’t feel guilty about this. After all, you are one of his many options so why should you make him your priority? Show him that you too are keeping your options open and you are not falling head over heels for him. Don’t show him you are jealous of other women and for Pete’s sake, don’t start stalking him on Facebook or Instagram trying to see which girls he is interacting with. Don’t even be friends with him on social media to begin with.
Getting played is downright ugly. Don’t be surprised if a player shares scores with his friends. If you want to date a player and beat him at his own game, you have to always stay in control. We have to warn you that this guy is a handful. A player can actually change his ways once he meets that special woman and that special woman could be you.
There’s this woman; let’s call her Jackie.
So Jackie has been going out with this guy for a while now and she thinks he is the greatest. In fact, when they are together, they have a blast but there’s one huge problem. The guy disappears for periods at a time. He doesn’t reply to her texts or her calls. Jackie talks to him every time about his distancing behaviors and he apologizes but after a few days of lovey dovey, he disappears again. Jackie wants to know what the deal with this guy is.
The answer is simple…the guy is emotionally unavailable. Such guys can lead you on for years if you let them. This is your best shot at finding out if your man is emotionally unavailable. Here are a few signs you should look out for.
This is a no brainer but you’d be surprised at how many women are willing to let this time waster into their lives. This guy is probably a charmer otherwise, how do you explain his ability to lure women into relationships with them? He will convince you that he is not in love with his wife but who is he going home to at the end of the day? We bet he has canceled several dates because God forbid he should miss his kid’s dance recital because of you. Do you really want to be the other woman? The mistress? Don’t waste your time with this guy.
This guy knows what he wants and you can be sure it isn’t to win your love. He is so obvious you’d have to be blind and stupid not to see it. If he gets lovey dovey with you it’s because he knows he’s getting a little action from you. Try mentioning to him that you want to wait till marriage and watch how he reacts. He probably won’t call you again.
This is another no brainer. If he is an addict, a sex, drug or whatever other type of addict there is, you should stay as far away from him as possible. Such guys only bring baggage to the relationship. There’s not much to say about this time waster.
The further you are the better for him. In fact, if you lived on another continent he would be more than happy. He prefers to text and email as opposed to calling. He knows you can edit messages before hitting the send button but when you talk over the phone or via Skype, he knows something will slip and there’s no erasing what’s already been said. We all know long distance relationships don’t work, not by a long shot. But we’d love to know if you have ever been in a long distance relationship and if things actually worked out for you.
This guy has his options open. He doesn’t want to commit to you in case someone better comes along. He prefers to string you along until he lands the perfect woman. He has no problem flirting with other women even though he is in a relationship with you. He might not be doing it in front of you but he is doing it behind your back. He is still sniffing around trying to see if he can do better than you. This is not a guy who is emotionally available. He is even not that into you so you should cut your losses and move on before he does.
One minute he shows you how much he loves you and the next he is cold and distant. You don’t know where he is or what he is doing. After a few days he resurfaces and he shows you more love and affection. In short, he loves you only when it suits him. He doesn’t care about how you feel when he is that distant.
These warning signs are just a few examples of what emotionally unavailable men look like and their tendencies. If you are involved with a guy that fits any of these descriptions you should definitely drop him like a sack of rocks. You are an incredible woman and you deserve to find a man who is emotionally mature and won’t waste your time.
If only you could change a man’s ways…
The good news is, you actually can, but only if he wants to, or is able to change.
It’s never been about what you say but it’s about how you say it. How you say what you say can make him love you more or less.
Here’s a scenario. Jackie met this guy that she really liked. All her friends told her the guy was a loser, lazy and self-centered. But in a span of just a few weeks, the guy transformed into a loyal, loving and completely new man. Sounds like a fairy tale right? So what did Jackie do that other women could not?
The answer is pretty simple…Jackie knew one very important secret about men. They need to be emotionally invested in the relationship. We gave you signs to help you recognize an emotionally unavailable man in a previous article, so use it to spot the available ones.
Men who are not emotionally invested in anything are lazy, weak and have no ambition in life. Think about athletes, for example. They are so passionate about what they do that they are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best. They have invested in their career emotionally.
So do you want your man to invest emotionally in your relationship? Here are four words you should use to help you move things along:
Words of honor build endearment and fondness in your relationship. For instance, let’s take a look at two replies to the same question.
Boyfriend: Will you call Liz and her husband to confirm we are coming over for dinner?
Answer 1: Yes
Answer 2: yes my love
Which of the two replies sound like they re-affirm your love and respect towards your man? I sure hope you chose the second one. Nothing gives a man motivation more than being reassured they still hold that special place of honor in your relationship.
So the next time your man asks you to do for him a favor, don’t just reply “yes, I will.” Try something like “aye-aye captain” or something more playful.
What do you love most about your man? Make a list and give it to him on a special occasion. If you are celebrating one year of being together, read out the list to him. Tell him what you admire most about him. All men crave respect and admiration. In fact, you don’t even have to create a list. You can tell him a thing or two that you love about him any day. Think about it. Wouldn’t you like it if your man told you the things he liked about you? If he tells you he likes the way you make that pasta dish, wouldn’t you go out of your way to make it for him more often?
Let’s say you have this sales job. You have been working hard, day and night, to meet your target. Your boss doesn’t even acknowledge your efforts. She just shrugs and sets your report aside. No words of appreciation like “great job” or “you did good today”. Nothing. Would you really be motivated to meet your target next time?
The same applies to relationships. When you show your man that you appreciate how hard he works for the relationship, he will work even harder. Recognize his efforts and show your honest appreciation.
A guy will work hard to provide for his family when he knows his wife has his back. A man needs to know that he is not alone. So when you show a man you are by his side, he will do anything to ensure you are happy. Words like “you got this” or “let me know how I can help” are powerful words that can motivate almost any man.
Go ahead and try these words out for yourself and see what difference it makes in your man. But remember, if you’re with a man who is emotionally unavailable, someone who is unable or unwilling to change, no matter what you say is going to change him. And your efforts will go to waste.
Men need roles in a relationship, and they need to feel special. Don’t make him too comfortable in the relationship because he will become lazy. And don’t do 90% of the work in the relationship because he will be too lazy to fulfill his role in the relationship.
Let’s just start by saying cheating boyfriends shouldn’t be forgiven easily, if at all.
If he cheats on you, break up with him or talk to him…just don’t let him disrespect or humiliate you again. But sometimes love can be so strong you just don’t see how you can break it off with your boyfriend just because of one discrepancy.
Most women are afraid that if they forgive their significant other for cheating, people will think they are weak or stupid. But take the example of Hillary Clinton. She got cheated on by her husband but she took him back anyway. The only person who ended up with egg on her face was Monica Lewinsky, the mistress. It takes a strong woman to forgive a cheating boyfriend so if you must take him back, make sure he does these six things:
He has to let go of the other woman
He has to kick her to the curb. It doesn’t matter if he has known her since kindergarten. In fact, he has to end things with her if he has known her since kindergarten. If they have known each other for that long, there are probably feelings involved and whatever was going on between them was more than sexual so there’s a high chance he might cheat again if she sticks around. Giving up his friend is a huge sacrifice but after what he put you through, he had better do it. Besides, what sort of friend is she if she doesn’t mind breaking up relationships?
He has to invest back into the relationship
So he serenaded you outside your office and he performed a flash mob dance for you at the airport just before you hopped onto your next flight…big deal. Grand gestures are just not enough; don’t make it too easy for him to get you back. What are some of the things he never used to do before you found out he was cheating on you? Make him do them all. Make him take out the trash every day. Make him bring you flowers every day. Make him cook dinner for you every day. Make him do whatever you feel it will take for you to forgive him.
He needs to show you why he wants you back
Why does he want you back and more importantly, what value will he be adding to your life? He cheated on you in the first place because he wasn’t getting something from you. Of course that was the wrong way to go about things but at the same time he also took something from you when he cheated on you. He needs to come back into your life as a supportive element, not the guy who’ll make you cry every night.
He shouldn’t expect you to return any favors
Just because he has promised he will take out the trash every day or make you gourmet meals every evening doesn’t mean that you will be sleeping with him again. He shouldn’t expect anything from you. In fact, he shouldn’t expect that after he does all those things you will take him back. He might be making all these gestures for nothing but it’s a risk he has to make.
He has to figure out a way to win your trust back
Just because he has been sending you flowers to your doorstep everyday doesn’t mean that he will automatically win back your trust. He already knows he lost your trust the moment he cheated on you so he has to understand that things won’t go back to the way they were. Anytime he isn’t in sight you’ll always be wondering where is he, who is he with and what is he doing. It will be his job to ensure you are not nervous about his whereabouts. He’ll have to frequently call you and text you.
He needs to get help
Yes, therapy, especially if he has cheated with more than one woman. Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry because he was a sex addict and he went to therapy to get help. So your boyfriend might have cheated because he has some psychological issues. Maybe something happened to him when he was twelve years old; who knows? He needs to go for counseling if he wants to get back with you. If he doesn’t get help, he might just cheat on you again.
We know, all this sounds a little extreme and frankly, it sounds like a lot of hard work. Don’t feel guilty about making him do all these things. He cheated on you so let him work to get you back.