We all know that relationships are not all hearts and flowers.
There will be thunderstorms and even some hurricanes in every relationship. That’s when you know if you’re in a fair-weather relationship or one that can survive the storm.
Relationships depend on mutual understanding and cooperation between people. There are times when at certain points, you are faced with difficulties but still have to conduct your relationships just like you would in the good times. Once you are in a relationship, every moment counts, so it’s important to realize that there will be good and bad times. In this article, we’ll be looking at the most common reasons that lead to breakups in open relationships.
One of the primary reasons why relationships breakup is because of the impossible world of expectations placed on one partner by the other. It’s important that you are realistic. If your partner has just lost his job, don’t expect him to spend lavishly on you. If your partner is just starting a new career he might have to put in extra hours, so don’t be upset if he can’t spend a lot of time with you. Just be realistic and don’t put pressure on your partner when things are not going the way you think they should.
The effect of jealousy
Jealousy is felt because we are human, it’s how we handle that jealousy that can break a relationship. One of the most harmful effects of jealousy is that it can lead a couple to limit each other’s independence. When this occurs, people can lose the individuality and strength that once attracted the very partners who are now limiting them in these ways. The result is one partner may come to resent and feel less of an attraction towards the jealous person, and the person acting jealous may resent how their partner has changed because of their jealous behavior.
Being too domineering
Even the most amicable breakup can be painful.
In the moment, it’s easy to say and do things we don’t mean. If you want your ex back (just in case) or even if you just want to be friends, making your breakup as amicable as possible will improve your chances of that.
To do that, here are 25 things you want to AVOID doing:
1. Thinking up bizarre reasons to contact them.
2. Running into them “accidentally.”
“I was just in the neighborhood!” – 25 miles away from your home.
3. Regularly hanging out at the places you used to go together, hoping they’ll be there.
4. Trying to get revenge in some way.
5. Destroying their stuff.
6. Talking to your ex’s friends about them.
7. Contacting your ex’s parents.
8. Trying to apologize for everything that went wrong.
You likely already apologized when you broke up.
9. Having an embarrassing emotional outburst.
In general don’t stalk him on social media, it’s very tempting to stalk an ex online. BUT DO NOT DO IT!
11. Deleting your ex on social media, and then using your friend’s profile to see what they are up to.
You did the right thing by unfriending and unfollowing them. But don’t cheat by using your friends’ accounts to check on them!
12. Comparing yourself to his exes before you.
It doesn’t matter if his other exes were way crazier than you. Just don’t do it.
13. Looking at old pictures of you together.
You should probably get rid of those.
14. Initiating awkward “WHY?” conversations.
This is absolutely something you don’t want to do. You’re putting them in an awkward situation and really, what answer do you expect to get? Is it going to be what you want to hear? Probably not.
15. Taking part in gossip about your ex.
We all can hear some interesting things or out and out lies about our exes after a breakup. But as soon as someone starts with “You won’t believe what I heard about your ex”, you tell that person to stop right there and change the subject.
16. “Accidentally” texting him.
Think your relationship is taking a turn for the worst?
Below is a list of signs depicting a failing relationship. Read carefully and take action accordingly if needed.
1. You’re always bickering
It seems like all you do is look for reasons to fight. Big or small, it doesn’t matter because it always ends in a massive conflict. The fighting is taking over your lives. It’s like every time you try to communicate; you end up fighting with each other.
2. You don’t talk about the future
If you suddenly go from discussing your future together to avoiding the discussion at all, then it’s showing a serious lack of interest to carry the relationship any further. Try to fix this by reopening the conversation again. If it’s just fatigue or work-related stress, talking about a happier future with your partner, even if it’s silly like living in eco-friendly housing, it can help lighten the mood and reopen the discussion.
3. You avoid each other
If it seems like you don’t have time for one another, that you’re too busy with something, the worst part can be that you don’t appear to mind not seeing each other often. If you’re actively looking for reasons not to see each other, or you spend more time with friends and family, anything to avoid being together, this is a definite danger sign.
4. No more cuddles
If affection has died down or it’s non-existent, the pecks on the cheek and the cuddling are gone, then this is a huge problem. The greater the distance between you physically, the more it increases emotionally as well.
5. All about you
When “we” start going out of the picture and it’s “me” again, it’s a sign that you and your partner are no longer including each other in anything, then that’s a huge indicator that your attachment to each other is gone. Again, if you’d rather spend time alone than with them, it’s a sad sign your relationship is failing.
6. Distance keeps growing
Cheaters will say just about anything once they’re caught!
Some can be very creative when it comes to explaining why they strayed; others just spout the usual cliques. If you are in a relationship with a cheater, I’m sure you’ve heard of a few of these when the cheater was finally caught.
1. “I don’t know how this happened!” – This is one of the lamest.
2. “I was drunk and unconscious.” – So you were raped.
3. “You were just not there for me.” – And I won’t be there for you now.
4. “I was thinking about you all the time.” – Please!
5. “I don’t know who she is!” – Was she a prostitute?
6. “Please respect my privacy; don’t touch my cell phone.” (No words, just red flags waving.)
7. “I was just helping her.” By falling into her vagina?
8. “It was an accident!” – So you accidentally fell into her vagina?
9. “You don’t have time for me.” – So it’s my fault?
10. “I don’t wanna explain anything.” – Bye!
11. “She seduced me and took advantage!” – Oh for God’s sake, really?
12. “She is like a sister to me.” – So incest runs in your family?
13. “She is my best friend’s girlfriend.” A two-for, not only do you betray me but your best friend, nice!
14. “Please forgive me.” – Nah… Don’t see that happening.
15. “Please give me one last chance.” – Isn’t that what you said “last time”?
16. “You have been cheating on me. Are you not? So why shouldn’t I?” – Because it’s a lie.
17. “You are not good enough for me.” – But I’m good enough for me, bye!
18. “Baby, I have to work a little late today.” – Again?
19. “I still love you, she is nobody to me.” – Is that suppose to make me feel better?
Make sure your “user” radar is up to date!
If your “user” radar hasn’t been working lately and you find yourself in more than your fair share of relationships with men who tend to use you for one reason or another you need to calibrate that radar.
You have to be able to spot the bums and users, so you are not wasting your time with these losers. A man who is using you will only stay with you as long as it is beneficial to him. Once he leaves, you not only feel used and stupid, but your self-esteem will take a big hit.
Unfortunately, some women at first are entirely oblivious to the fact that they are being used. Or they don’t care as long as their man pays them some attention and continues to lead her on with bogus words of encouragement. Please don’t be this woman. Take heed, if your man exhibits any of these signs you are probably dating a user.
1. He has no ambition
If your man has drive to better himself and is content leeching off whoever will support him, he is a user. A man with ambition and drive is a total turn on. It isn’t what is in his pocket that counts if he aspires to get where he wants to be. Who desires to be with a man that depends on a woman for things he should take care of himself?
2. You pay for everything
Traditionally the guy usually pays at the beginning of the courtship, or you might opt to split the bill, which is perfectly fine if you’re okay with that. The problem arises when you have to pay for everything -every time.
Some women feel like it shows their independence when they pay. But some men see this line of thinking as a way to get over. How you allow yourself to be treated at the beginning sets the tone for the rest of your relationship. If your user knows you will pay all the time, he’s not going to start to pay for anything; he will just sit back and enjoy the ride.
3. He never takes you out in public
No matter how much you love your partner, there are certain behaviors that a strong, confident woman will NEVER tolerate in a relationship. Compromising, meeting halfway, and accepting your partner, these are all important if you want a fulfilling relationship, but a woman who knows her worth will never allow herself to become a victim.
Here are some things a strong, confident woman will NOT tolerate in a relationship.
1. Physical Abuse
There is no logical reason why two adults should ever feel okay with putting their hands on one another in violence. The physical build of a man versus the physical build of a woman are totally different and lead to a naturally unfair fight. A man with deep anger issues is to be avoided. Let him work out those issues before he enters a relationship because conflict will come up. It’s important to know that when conflict arises, a man won’t resort to physical violence as a solution.
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is an intense and awful experience. In many cases, many women believe emotional abuse is actually more difficult to handle than physical abuse. Emotional abuse involves how a man speaks to you and how he mistreats you. Does he call you degrading names or speak to you with a lack of respect? Does he embarrass you in front of other people or even other family members like the children? If so, it’s not a reflection of you as a woman. It’s a direct reflection of him as an insecure man. Never tolerate emotional abuse because words can cut deeply and mess with your psyche for the rest of your life.
Who likes drama in a relationship?
Too much of it often leads to a breakup and leaves you wondering what went wrong. The whole point of being in a relationship is happiness, romance, and contentment. Below are five tips to keep the drama out and all the goodness in.
Separate yourself from social media
Separating yourself doesn’t mean deleting all your accounts because you’re with someone but a healthy distance is important. We all love to post, like, and comment but it shouldn’t cause relationship issues.
Social media has two purposes. One is business and the second and most important is staying connected with those close to you, but don’t get wrapped up in the random attention from followers. Also, avoid sharing too much about your relationship, stay away from premature relationship status changes and if possible, steer clear of the exes.
Learn when to shut up
When tensions are high, and the two of you are going back and forth, prevent the argument from escalating by learning when to shut up. Egos often keep people talking far too long trying to prove they are right.
The problem is, everything said is likely to add fuel to the fire so instead, diffuse the situation by taking a timeout. You never want to go silent and walk away because that often irritates people more, so use your communication skills to diffuse the situation and then walk away, give everyone some time to cool off.
Return to the problem once coolers heads are in play. Issues need to be worked out, and sometimes that can be accomplished by shutting up and giving everyone a chance to think things through versus saying things you might regret later.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Starting an argument over insignificant things causes unnecessary drama in a relationship. Some of the biggest arguments are about trivial things.
“Did you just look at that woman walking by?” “Are we lost?” “You pick a place to eat for a change!”
Breakups, especially divorces can be messy, ugly affairs.
They tear families apart, break down dreams that you may have had for the future, devastate your finances and even ruin your credit rating in some cases. Some people lose friends over a divorce, and others have their relationship with their children impacted in some way.
Few who have endured a divorce will tell you that the process was pleasant, and it is understandable that you may want to cast some blame for the state of your current life on your ex. However, some exes have been able to maintain a friendship and have even maintained their status as best friends despite their divorce. The truth is that you actually can be friends with your ex, but it does take some work.
During the divorce, work to maintain a friendly relationship with your spouse by working together to divide the assets and to set up a fair custody arrangement for the kids. This process can be a nightmare to go through, and it is far easier to do if the two of you work together rather than against each other.
After the divorce is finalized, it is easy to fall into a state of only talking about the kids if you have kids. If you do not have kids, there may seemingly be no reason to talk to this person again. However, if you truly want to be friends with your ex, you will need to nurture the relationship just as you would any other relationship. You will need to make plans to see him or her on a friendly basis and just hang out. One idea is to set up a regular lunch date every few weeks to touch bases and keep in touch. An alternative is a coffee date or something else just as casual.
Guys, we love you, really we do.
But there are times when we don’t think you know a lot about foreplay because a large number of you get it wrong.
We know you want to turn us on and please us. We know you want to turn us on. We know you want to please us. But below are five things you need to stop doing or at least modify right now because they usually don’t turn us on.
The Boner Alarm Clock
If you wake up with a boner, you seem to think you need to share this information with us. The thing is, as adult women, we already know that it’s common for adult men to wake up with a hard one.
Do you want to know the part that’s sexy in this situation that you missed? Women find sleeping to be very sexy.
We love sleep so much. We don’t get enough of it. Recent studies show that women need way more sleep than men and often get far less.
And you want to wake us up because Mr. Happy is ready for action.
Wait for your lady to wake up on her own. Make eye contact and smile, say something nice, maybe even make her laugh, to see if she’s in the mood. If she is, then you can commence with the poking. Otherwise, you’re just rude, and it’s going to make us cranky.
Copping a Feel
Our boobs aren’t the handlebars of a bike. You don’t need to grab them. Ever. I don’t care what signal she’s sending, how good her chest looks, those boobs are not here for you to grab. This never turns a woman on, and we might be having a bad day on the pill or with our period, so you’d be HURTING us instead.
If you need to hide something from your partner…
It’s your mind telling you subconsciously that something isn’t right. That’s why even if kissing, touching, or flirting hasn’t happened yet, it can still be cheating.
Cheaters are usually classified as either habitual or opportunistic, but that doesn’t mean shit to the person betrayed. And even though some are hard to catch, others will leave a trail behind that even a blind woman can follow. Watch out for these visible signs which can help you catch a cheater.
1. Do random drop-ins
Consider dropping by your partner’s place unannounced “just to say hi.” Of course, you risk looking like a crazy jealous girlfriend if you do this too often without getting the results you want.
2. Watch work travel changes
Keep your eyes and ears open if you begin to notice that your partner suddenly travels more. Perhaps they’re taking on more responsibilities at work, or they may be doing some shadiness if they can’t (or won’t) tell you the details about their travel.
3. Change up your routine
If you both have routines that you stick to, it gives the cheater an advantage to plan their activities. Deviating from your usual pattern unannounced, though, can help trip them up.
4. Do some peeping
It’s a breach of trust to check your partner’s messages and emails without permission. But if you doubt their intentions strongly enough, you may want to flip through their inbox to check for suspicious activities or check the text messages on their phone. Keep in mind that they might be deleting those messages or may even have a phone or email accounts you don’t know about.
5. They’ve had a makeover
This type of guy is not easily spotted at first…
But after a few dates, the signs will become apparent. You just have to know what they are. An insecure man will nearly always believe other people’s motives are suspect. It does not help if you are completely honest and lay your life bare so they can see you are not hiding anything. It’s important to know that most insecure men aren’t consciously aware that they’re insecure.
If you have suspicions that your man is insured below are some signs to look for.
1. Frequently asks for reassurance
Insecure guys need reassurance like a shopping mall needs consumers. These guys aren’t going to believe they’re good enough, so they often seek validation from others.
The problem is that this only works for a while. Ten minutes later, they may go right back to not feeling good enough, and they’ll need reassurance again.
2. He compare themselves to others
Insecure guys often compare themselves to others on a daily basis. They never miss who has what and who has the better or worst version of this or that.
They’re keenly attuned to power hierarchies. They desperately want more power and control than they currently have. They’ll compare themselves to their coworkers, continually noting who is favored or more successful. They compare their appearance and attractiveness to other guys. They also have a habit of putting other men down.
Can you remember the last time your man made you smile?
If the answer is no, and you only feel anxiety when you’re around him, then you just might be in a toxic relationship.
Men who are toxic hurt those around them. Whether it’s intentional or not, their actions cause us to question our choices and self-worth. They undermine everything and spoil what we might otherwise enjoy.
The stress of a toxic relationship can even cause physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches, neck and back pain, stomach upset, eating and sleeping disorders and nagging illnesses — and those are just the minor effects.
There’s a 34 percent increase in cardiac problems for those in toxic relationships, as well as a shortened lifespan by an average of 11 years. And that’s not all; blood pressure and blood sugar levels are higher; obesity rates, diabetes, depression, and incidences of stroke all increase; and the stress can lower your level of lower good cholesterol.
So for your mental and physical health, here are ten ways to lift yourself up, leave the relationship, and move on:
1. Clarify your boundaries
It may not happen overnight. If he’s not respecting you now, chances are it’s going to take a few times before he gets the message. Be clear about what you want and hold to your values. But ask yourself, how long do you want to wait for him to accept your boundaries?
2. Tell him that it’s over
Plan out how you’re going to let him go, then do it.
3. Do NOT justify, be reasoned with, or let him debate you
No faltering, no drama, no blaming. Let him know that it’s best for you to end it. Say what you have to say, and leave.
4. Meet in a public place
You can have someone nearby if you want the moral support of a friend. It’ll help you stay firm in case he starts telling you what you want to hear.
5. Block him
Block him on social media. Do not even look at his blogs after that. Just entirely remove that presence from your online life.
6. You can also write him a letter