We all know that relationships are not all hearts and flowers.
There will be thunderstorms and even some hurricanes in every relationship. That’s when you know if you’re in a fair-weather relationship or one that can survive the storm.
Relationships depend on mutual understanding and cooperation between people. There are times when at certain points, you are faced with difficulties but still have to conduct your relationships just like you would in the good times. Once you are in a relationship, every moment counts, so it’s important to realize that there will be good and bad times. In this article, we’ll be looking at the most common reasons that lead to breakups in open relationships.
One of the primary reasons why relationships breakup is because of the impossible world of expectations placed on one partner by the other. It’s important that you are realistic. If your partner has just lost his job, don’t expect him to spend lavishly on you. If your partner is just starting a new career he might have to put in extra hours, so don’t be upset if he can’t spend a lot of time with you. Just be realistic and don’t put pressure on your partner when things are not going the way you think they should.
The effect of jealousy
Jealousy is felt because we are human, it’s how we handle that jealousy that can break a relationship. One of the most harmful effects of jealousy is that it can lead a couple to limit each other’s independence. When this occurs, people can lose the individuality and strength that once attracted the very partners who are now limiting them in these ways. The result is one partner may come to resent and feel less of an attraction towards the jealous person, and the person acting jealous may resent how their partner has changed because of their jealous behavior.
Being too domineering
One of the requirements of a healthy relationship is a sense of mutual respect and equality. Just like in other areas of our lives, we need to be ready to make compromises in our relationships. Being the domineering partner can give you a fleeting sense of power, but this will surely leave your partner mentally stressed and scared of you.
Honesty and trust are two key ingredients of a great relationship. If you decide to lie to your partner and they find out about it, they lose a bit of the trust they have for you (and they may never truly trust you again). This could put a strain on your relationship and eventually lead to a breakup.
Being too busy
A successful relationship requires time and effort. Spending too much time on your job or other activities leaves your partner feeling neglected. So it’s important to take some time out of your busy schedule of work and business to be with your partner. This not only brings you closer, but it also proves to them that they hold an important place in your life.
Pointless bickering over a third party
An increased frequency of the number of fights in a relationship is a signal that there is something wrong. This usually happens when you keep grudges with your partner over petty issues or when there’s a third party involved in the relationship in one way or the other.
Comparison with other relationships
Making a comparison between your relationship and other people’s relationships can only lead to you being disappointed and having an inferiority complex, especially when you think your relationship is not as interesting. Like they say “the grass is always greener on the other side” until you realize that the greener grass may have been fertilized with bullshit.
The well-known causes of relationship breakups stated above are the essential components that you need to bear in mind to increase your chances of a stable and blissful relationship. In a relationship, you would be smart to choose your battles wisely and not blow small errors made by your partner out of proportion. Undoubtedly, this is the fundamental choice for a healthy relationship. -Char Brown
Even the most amicable breakup can be painful.
In the moment, it’s easy to say and do things we don’t mean. If you want your ex back (just in case) or even if you just want to be friends, making your breakup as amicable as possible will improve your chances of that.
To do that, here are 25 things you want to AVOID doing:
1. Thinking up bizarre reasons to contact them.
2. Running into them “accidentally.”
“I was just in the neighborhood!” – 25 miles away from your home.
3. Regularly hanging out at the places you used to go together, hoping they’ll be there.
4. Trying to get revenge in some way.
5. Destroying their stuff.
6. Talking to your ex’s friends about them.
7. Contacting your ex’s parents.
8. Trying to apologize for everything that went wrong.
You likely already apologized when you broke up.
9. Having an embarrassing emotional outburst.
In general don’t stalk him on social media, it’s very tempting to stalk an ex online. BUT DO NOT DO IT!
11. Deleting your ex on social media, and then using your friend’s profile to see what they are up to.
You did the right thing by unfriending and unfollowing them. But don’t cheat by using your friends’ accounts to check on them!
12. Comparing yourself to his exes before you.
It doesn’t matter if his other exes were way crazier than you. Just don’t do it.
13. Looking at old pictures of you together.
You should probably get rid of those.
14. Initiating awkward “WHY?” conversations.
This is absolutely something you don’t want to do. You’re putting them in an awkward situation and really, what answer do you expect to get? Is it going to be what you want to hear? Probably not.
15. Taking part in gossip about your ex.
We all can hear some interesting things or out and out lies about our exes after a breakup. But as soon as someone starts with “You won’t believe what I heard about your ex”, you tell that person to stop right there and change the subject.
16. “Accidentally” texting him.
Uh, no. They’re not going to fall for this, and it’s just going to be more awkward for you in the long run.
17. Obsessively trying to stay in contact with them.
This isn’t much better than stalking.
18. Refusing to accept the current reality.
One sure way to make things even worse with your ex is refusing to accept what they’re telling you. They don’t want to be with you, so you’ve got to accept that. If there’s a chance you’ll get back together, fine, but that will never happen if you can’t respect their boundaries.
19. Acting out jealously.
If you find out they’re seeing someone, don’t demand an explanation or make them feel bad for moving on! This just pushes them further away, trust me.
20. Trying to make your ex jealous.
If you’re seeing someone, don’t tell them! Your actions no longer concern them.
21. Creating elaborate theories about your ex.
This includes hoping he’s actually gay. I mean – is that really an insult? This is 2017 after all.
22. Plotting ways to break up him and his new girlfriend.
Yes, they may be the rebound. That doesn’t mean you get to point this out to them to drive a wedge between them. You wouldn’t want anyone doing this to you, would you?
23. Drunk dialing.
If you think there might be a drunk dialing risk, delete his number from your phone NOW.
24. Suggesting ex sex / friends with benefits.
Either way, it’ll just end messy and prolong the healing process.
25. Finally, using the excuse of ‘having nothing left to lose’ to justify your bad behavior when you KNOW it’s wrong.
If you really want them back, you need to be calm and collected, showing maturity and that you respect what they’ve told you. How will they know if you’re still interested? Well, they’ll come to you. Think of it this way: they can’t want you back if they don’t miss you, fantasize about you, if you’re smothering them more now than when you were dating.
As strange as it sounds, to have any potential for getting back together, you actually need to be over each other–so that the two of you can have a fresh start. Without clearing out the baggage from the old relationship, the hurt and resentment will just bubble back once the relationship takes off again. -C. Sky
Cheaters will say just about anything once they’re caught!
Some can be very creative when it comes to explaining why they strayed; others just spout the usual cliques. If you are in a relationship with a cheater, I’m sure you’ve heard of a few of these when the cheater was finally caught.
1. “I don’t know how this happened!” – This is one of the lamest.
2. “I was drunk and unconscious.” – So you were raped.
3. “You were just not there for me.” – And I won’t be there for you now.
4. “I was thinking about you all the time.” – Please!
5. “I don’t know who she is!” – Was she a prostitute?
6. “Please respect my privacy; don’t touch my cell phone.” (No words, just red flags waving.)
7. “I was just helping her.” By falling into her vagina?
8. “It was an accident!” – So you accidentally fell into her vagina?
9. “You don’t have time for me.” – So it’s my fault?
10. “I don’t wanna explain anything.” – Bye!
11. “She seduced me and took advantage!” – Oh for God’s sake, really?
12. “She is like a sister to me.” – So incest runs in your family?
13. “She is my best friend’s girlfriend.” A two-for, not only do you betray me but your best friend, nice!
14. “Please forgive me.” – Nah… Don’t see that happening.
15. “Please give me one last chance.” – Isn’t that what you said “last time”?
16. “You have been cheating on me. Are you not? So why shouldn’t I?” – Because it’s a lie.
17. “You are not good enough for me.” – But I’m good enough for me, bye!
18. “Baby, I have to work a little late today.” – Again?
19. “I still love you, she is nobody to me.” – Is that suppose to make me feel better?
20. “It only happened once; it was a mistake.” – Yeah, and I made it.
21. “It won’t happen ever again, I promise.” – Take your promise and get the hell out!
22. “I cannot believe you don’t trust me!” – I can’t believe you think I’m an idiot.
23. “I didn’t even realize what I was doing.” (No words, just a look)
24. “You’re imagining things.” – And my imagination is pretty vivid!
25. “It’s not what it looks like!” – Uh, yeah it is.
26. “She tricked me into it!” – What?
27. “She accidentally fell on my d**k!” – Just get out…
28. “I love you and only you, you’re the one for me.” – Apparently not.
29. “I don’t need anyone else you are everything I ever wanted in my life.” – Again, apparently not.
30. “She drugged me!” – Then call the cops, that’s a crime.
31. “I swear, she can control minds; I was hypnotized!” – Look into my eyes… Now get the f**k out!
32. “A man has needs.” – So does a woman, I need a real man.
33. “You’re always doubting me.” – Because you’re a liar.
34. “I would never cheat on you!” – But you did.
35. “Does it matter where I was?” – Not anymore.
36. “I thought we were in an open relationship.” – Well, the door is open, now get the hell out.
37. “I don’t know who called from my cell phone.” – But she had a custom ringtone.
38. “I can’t recall where I was the other night.” – Dementia at an early age.
39. “There was nothing I can do to stop her.” – How about “no, stop.”
40. “She knows black magic, baby. All I can remember is my voodoo doll in her hands!” – WTF!
41. “Forget the past, I’ve changed now. Give me one more chance? – When did this change happen, before or after you f**ked her?
42. “It wasn’t me!” – Lame.
43. “I regret it and feel more horrible about it than you.” I doubt that, but nice try.
44. “Why are you asking so many questions?” – Why are you avoiding them?
45. “You are overreacting; she is just a good friend.” – A friend with benefits.
46. “YOLO “You only live once”!” – Get out, before your once is over!
47. “I thought you’re cool with it.” – Really?
48. “I never intended to hurt you.” – Sure you did.
49. “It’s not my fault, you were not here.” – I’m sorry I drove you to f**k someone else.
50. “I promise it was the last time.” – For me it was.
Who likes drama in a relationship?
Too much of it often leads to a breakup and leaves you wondering what went wrong. The whole point of being in a relationship is happiness, romance, and contentment. Below are five tips to keep the drama out and all the goodness in.
Separate yourself from social media
Separating yourself doesn’t mean deleting all your accounts because you’re with someone but a healthy distance is important. We all love to post, like, and comment but it shouldn’t cause relationship issues.
Social media has two purposes. One is business and the second and most important is staying connected with those close to you, but don’t get wrapped up in the random attention from followers. Also, avoid sharing too much about your relationship, stay away from premature relationship status changes and if possible, steer clear of the exes.
Learn when to shut up
When tensions are high, and the two of you are going back and forth, prevent the argument from escalating by learning when to shut up. Egos often keep people talking far too long trying to prove they are right.
The problem is, everything said is likely to add fuel to the fire so instead, diffuse the situation by taking a timeout. You never want to go silent and walk away because that often irritates people more, so use your communication skills to diffuse the situation and then walk away, give everyone some time to cool off.
Return to the problem once coolers heads are in play. Issues need to be worked out, and sometimes that can be accomplished by shutting up and giving everyone a chance to think things through versus saying things you might regret later.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Starting an argument over insignificant things causes unnecessary drama in a relationship. Some of the biggest arguments are about trivial things.
“Did you just look at that woman walking by?” “Are we lost?” “You pick a place to eat for a change!”
As for the first event, everyone looks and you know you do too. It doesn’t indicate a wandering eye or dissatisfaction in a relationship so don’t take it as an insult or sign of disrespect. Now for the last two, come on people! Who cares who picks where you eat and hello, that is what GPS is for.
Keep family and friends out
A relationship is between two people, no one else. Once family and friends get too involved, trouble ensues. I’m not saying to keep your relationship a secret from your family and friends, but their opinions about your relationship should be considered in moderation.
It all comes down to respect for your partner and discussing private personal business with someone else can be a problem. You have to be able to work out relationship issues with your partner without dragging in a third party -Lisa P.
Make sure your “user” radar is up to date!
If your “user” radar hasn’t been working lately and you find yourself in more than your fair share of relationships with men who tend to use you for one reason or another you need to calibrate that radar.
You have to be able to spot the bums and users, so you are not wasting your time with these losers. A man who is using you will only stay with you as long as it is beneficial to him. Once he leaves, you not only feel used and stupid, but your self-esteem will take a big hit.
Unfortunately, some women at first are entirely oblivious to the fact that they are being used. Or they don’t care as long as their man pays them some attention and continues to lead her on with bogus words of encouragement. Please don’t be this woman. Take heed, if your man exhibits any of these signs you are probably dating a user.
1. He has no ambition
If your man has drive to better himself and is content leeching off whoever will support him, he is a user. A man with ambition and drive is a total turn on. It isn’t what is in his pocket that counts if he aspires to get where he wants to be. Who desires to be with a man that depends on a woman for things he should take care of himself?
2. You pay for everything
Traditionally the guy usually pays at the beginning of the courtship, or you might opt to split the bill, which is perfectly fine if you’re okay with that. The problem arises when you have to pay for everything -every time.
Some women feel like it shows their independence when they pay. But some men see this line of thinking as a way to get over. How you allow yourself to be treated at the beginning sets the tone for the rest of your relationship. If your user knows you will pay all the time, he’s not going to start to pay for anything; he will just sit back and enjoy the ride.
3. He never takes you out in public
What kind of man that is proud of his woman doesn’t take her out to show her off? A man should be proud to have such a good woman on his arm. He wants to show her off and introduce her to his friends. If he keeps your relationship a big secret, trust me you are not in a relationship. If all your dates consist of you picking up Wendy’s and going to his house to Netflix and chill, he’s using you for food and sex.
4. He only comes around when he needs something
Sneakers, coats, money, food, rides, a bill paid. Users rarely have a vehicle. You have to pick up his sorry ass whenever you have a date and drive him back to your place (can’t hang out at his mom’s place). You take him to get a haircut and pay for it, what the hell kind of man is okay with his woman do this? A user!
5. He asks you to “hold” some money
This one infuriates me. What kind of man, I repeat, MAN asks a woman for money? That should be emasculating to a real man. How often do you have to spot him a twenty that you will never see again? Especially if he never shells out a dime for you.
This is not to say that a hard working man can’t have an emergency and be in need of a little help. But you will not be the first person he goes to for a short-term loan.
6. He lives beyond his means
He goes out all the time, sports the latest styles, goes gambling with his friends but asks you to fill his fridge. Either that or he’s moved into your home so he can eat out of your fridge. He’s never even at your house much, only to sleep, eat, and keep you “happy.”
These are some foolproof ways to spot a man who is a user. Ladies, please open up your eyes and realize that it all starts with self-respect. If you respect yourself – you know what you deserve, and you do not deserve someone who won’t take you out in public or even buy you a burger from a burger joint without making a big production out of it. -Lisa P.
No matter how much you love your partner, there are certain behaviors that a strong, confident woman will NEVER tolerate in a relationship. Compromising, meeting halfway, and accepting your partner, these are all important if you want a fulfilling relationship, but a woman who knows her worth will never allow herself to become a victim.
Here are some things a strong, confident woman will NOT tolerate in a relationship.
1. Physical Abuse
There is no logical reason why two adults should ever feel okay with putting their hands on one another in violence. The physical build of a man versus the physical build of a woman are totally different and lead to a naturally unfair fight. A man with deep anger issues is to be avoided. Let him work out those issues before he enters a relationship because conflict will come up. It’s important to know that when conflict arises, a man won’t resort to physical violence as a solution.
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is an intense and awful experience. In many cases, many women believe emotional abuse is actually more difficult to handle than physical abuse. Emotional abuse involves how a man speaks to you and how he mistreats you. Does he call you degrading names or speak to you with a lack of respect? Does he embarrass you in front of other people or even other family members like the children? If so, it’s not a reflection of you as a woman. It’s a direct reflection of him as an insecure man. Never tolerate emotional abuse because words can cut deeply and mess with your psyche for the rest of your life.
Even on a biblical level, cheating is never okay. Many men will claim that it’s unrealistic to expect a man to remain faithful to one woman. Another common excuse men give when they want to cheat involves the claim that it’s just sex and it’s not an emotional exchange. When a man is okay with being unfaithful and hurting you, run.
4. Lack of Communication
It is a documented fact that women speak thousands of words more than men do on a daily basis. Even with taking that into consideration, a lack of communication is major for women.
5. Lack of Support
When you enter into a romantic relationship with someone else, there’s an underlying desire for support and love. Support doesn’t necessarily equate to financial provision. In today’s society, most women come into a relationship able to financially provide and take care of themselves. The support in this context involves healthy validation, encouragement and love. When a spouse or partner continues to be unsupportive of your dreams, they will become a roadblock to your future. The last person you need to be in a relationship with is a dream killer.
Dishonesty is pretty major because when a person consistently lies, it builds a nest of deceit. When a person proves themselves to always be deceitful, it’s hard (almost impossible) to trust them. Furthermore, omission is betrayal as well. Whether it is telling a “white lie” about taking care of some chores around the house or leaving out the major detail that guy’s night is at a strip club, these are deal breakers that are breeding ground for more issues.
7. Poor Hygiene
Hygiene is one of those offenses that can be easy to correct. Still, it is still an offense. If your partner is a total slob, doesn’t practice good hygiene or has an intense body odor that won’t go away with a long, hot shower, explore different ways to remedy this issue. If they are unwilling, it might be time to consider more drastic measures for sanity’s sake. – Lisa P.
Breakups, especially divorces can be messy, ugly affairs.
They tear families apart, break down dreams that you may have had for the future, devastate your finances and even ruin your credit rating in some cases. Some people lose friends over a divorce, and others have their relationship with their children impacted in some way.
Few who have endured a divorce will tell you that the process was pleasant, and it is understandable that you may want to cast some blame for the state of your current life on your ex. However, some exes have been able to maintain a friendship and have even maintained their status as best friends despite their divorce. The truth is that you actually can be friends with your ex, but it does take some work.
During the divorce, work to maintain a friendly relationship with your spouse by working together to divide the assets and to set up a fair custody arrangement for the kids. This process can be a nightmare to go through, and it is far easier to do if the two of you work together rather than against each other.
After the divorce is finalized, it is easy to fall into a state of only talking about the kids if you have kids. If you do not have kids, there may seemingly be no reason to talk to this person again. However, if you truly want to be friends with your ex, you will need to nurture the relationship just as you would any other relationship. You will need to make plans to see him or her on a friendly basis and just hang out. One idea is to set up a regular lunch date every few weeks to touch bases and keep in touch. An alternative is a coffee date or something else just as casual.
It is important to remember that the marriage may have failed for whatever reason, but this is a person who you once loved deeply and who you wanted to devote your life to. It may sound like hard work to have a friendship with this person, but it actually may be easier to be friends with your ex than to deal with the emotions of never speaking to him or her again. As a final note, however, remember that both parties will need to want the same type of friendship after the divorce for this to work, and both will need to actively work toward maintaining the friendship. This will not work if it is one-sided. – Kim D.
Guys, we love you, really we do.
But there are times when we don’t think you know a lot about foreplay because a large number of you get it wrong.
We know you want to turn us on and please us. We know you want to turn us on. We know you want to please us. But below are five things you need to stop doing or at least modify right now because they usually don’t turn us on.
The Boner Alarm Clock
If you wake up with a boner, you seem to think you need to share this information with us. The thing is, as adult women, we already know that it’s common for adult men to wake up with a hard one.
Do you want to know the part that’s sexy in this situation that you missed? Women find sleeping to be very sexy.
We love sleep so much. We don’t get enough of it. Recent studies show that women need way more sleep than men and often get far less.
And you want to wake us up because Mr. Happy is ready for action.
Wait for your lady to wake up on her own. Make eye contact and smile, say something nice, maybe even make her laugh, to see if she’s in the mood. If she is, then you can commence with the poking. Otherwise, you’re just rude, and it’s going to make us cranky.
Copping a Feel
Our boobs aren’t the handlebars of a bike. You don’t need to grab them. Ever. I don’t care what signal she’s sending, how good her chest looks, those boobs are not here for you to grab. This never turns a woman on, and we might be having a bad day on the pill or with our period, so you’d be HURTING us instead.
There are way too many guys in the world who when first given access to our female parts, go to town down there and act like they’re trying to chase out some rabid animal.
Keep in mind — would you like it if we grabbed your crotch and started squeezing it too tight without so much as a by your leave?
Don’t do this.
Instead, educate yourself. First, our genitals are made up of more than just the vagina. There are all sorts of areas that feel good for women that you can pay attention to before you start probing the depths.
Also go slow and take your time. We’ll be grateful for it, especially if you ask or notice what she likes.
Annoying Kitchen Snuggle
This initially seems romantic, but keep in mind that if a woman wandered into the kitchen, it probably wasn’t so you could rip her clothes off and lay her flat on the kitchen table.
She probably just wanted a snack or some juice.
Too Much Tongue
We know you love your tongues, guys. We love your tongues too.
But the constant licking is a little out of control.
First, don’t lick us in public. It’s the creepiest thing you can do. It immediately makes us think of Hannibal Lecter.
Secondly, you don’t have to shove your tongues deep down our mouths when kisses. At least not right away. Work up to that.
Third, sometimes you can be a little overzealous when going down on us with those tongues. Don’t worry, we love when you do it, and we most definitely want tongues involved.
But too much tongue at once can be overwhelming on the clitoris. Too much too soon could make some of us kick you accidentally, like a bucking horse.
Instead, start with basically licking us anywhere but there, teasing us and working up slowly to the clitoris stimulation.
One prominent sex and relationship coach, says you can learn a lot about how to go down on women by going slow, and having what’s called a “spoiling session” for her.
Seems like a good idea, do that. -C. Sky
If you need to hide something from your partner…
It’s your mind telling you subconsciously that something isn’t right. That’s why even if kissing, touching, or flirting hasn’t happened yet, it can still be cheating.
Cheaters are usually classified as either habitual or opportunistic, but that doesn’t mean shit to the person betrayed. And even though some are hard to catch, others will leave a trail behind that even a blind woman can follow. Watch out for these visible signs which can help you catch a cheater.
1. Do random drop-ins
Consider dropping by your partner’s place unannounced “just to say hi.” Of course, you risk looking like a crazy jealous girlfriend if you do this too often without getting the results you want.
2. Watch work travel changes
Keep your eyes and ears open if you begin to notice that your partner suddenly travels more. Perhaps they’re taking on more responsibilities at work, or they may be doing some shadiness if they can’t (or won’t) tell you the details about their travel.
3. Change up your routine
If you both have routines that you stick to, it gives the cheater an advantage to plan their activities. Deviating from your usual pattern unannounced, though, can help trip them up.
4. Do some peeping
It’s a breach of trust to check your partner’s messages and emails without permission. But if you doubt their intentions strongly enough, you may want to flip through their inbox to check for suspicious activities or check the text messages on their phone. Keep in mind that they might be deleting those messages or may even have a phone or email accounts you don’t know about.
5. They’ve had a makeover
Unless you’ve been on them about cutting their hair for months and they finally get it done to surprise you, a sudden change in appearance is usually to impress someone else. Have they started going to the gym, wearing, cologne, or updating their wardrobe? These things alone don’t mean cheating, but in conjunction with something else is a reliable indicator.
6. They need to sneak out
Is your partner suddenly doing disappearing acts? Maybe they do need to tank up their car or pick up something from the supermarket. But if they rarely did these things before and now their car seems to suck down gas, they might just be sneaking out to make a phone call or a quickie.
7. Rapidly changing sex drive.
A sudden disinterest in sex could mean they’re getting it from somewhere else. The contrast is also true if sex with them has increased, it could be out of a sense of guilt, or they’re using you to try out new techniques.
8. They get startled easily
People are jumpy when they have something to hide. If your partner is often startled when you walk in on them while texting or at the computer, you can tell something’s up.
9. Won’t share passcodes
They claim to have no secrets from you but go into a rage if you ask for passwords to their phone or social media accounts. In today’s modern relationships, sharing passwords is the epitome of trust.
10. They suddenly want more space and privacy
All healthy relationships need space and privacy. But if your partner is suddenly stepping out to making a phone call and locking the door behind them, speaking in hushed tones? Consider eavesdropping on them.
11. They get annoyed easily and threaten to leave you
If the cheater’s focus has now shifted from you, they probably get annoyed at you at the drop of a hat. Maybe they pick frequent fights and threaten to leave. If they’re saying things like “I can do so much better than you” or “I am wasting my time with you” then you are perhaps the one that can do better and are wasting YOUR time.
12. Random gifts or purchases
Has your partner begun bringing home lots of goodies and gifts were from colleagues or friends supposedly? Or are they buying things without telling you at least afterward? Sudden new purchases can be a sign of a cheater. Start checking their credit card statements.
13. When in doubt, tail them
The minute your Spidey senses alert you that something is wrong, you may want to follow them and see for yourself where they go and what they are doing. Sometimes, it helps to watch many crime/detective shows. They teach you the various techniques to stalk someone, investigate, and think logically.
14. Too many nights out after office hours
Work is the best excuse for shady stuff. Try befriending some of your partner’s colleagues and talking to them. Are they also attending these office parties and always blame their late nights on work-related dinners? Look out for this.
15. They’re aloof
They’re not outright abusive to you, but they’re withdrawing from you. They’re apathetic to your presence.
16. Spending too much online
Unless it’s related to work, they shouldn’t be staying up long hours (even after you’re asleep) on their phone or laptop. It’s not healthy for them, and they could be hiding something from you while you’re asleep.
Catching a cheater can be tricky, and the results can be heartbreaking, but you need to know for sure. While all the above are good ways to catch cheaters, use your good judgment before rushing to conclusions. And yes, go with your instinct. They are usually right.
– C. Sky
This type of guy is not easily spotted at first…
But after a few dates, the signs will become apparent. You just have to know what they are. An insecure man will nearly always believe other people’s motives are suspect. It does not help if you are completely honest and lay your life bare so they can see you are not hiding anything. It’s important to know that most insecure men aren’t consciously aware that they’re insecure.
If you have suspicions that your man is insured below are some signs to look for.
1. Frequently asks for reassurance
Insecure guys need reassurance like a shopping mall needs consumers. These guys aren’t going to believe they’re good enough, so they often seek validation from others.
The problem is that this only works for a while. Ten minutes later, they may go right back to not feeling good enough, and they’ll need reassurance again.
2. He compare themselves to others
Insecure guys often compare themselves to others on a daily basis. They never miss who has what and who has the better or worst version of this or that.
They’re keenly attuned to power hierarchies. They desperately want more power and control than they currently have. They’ll compare themselves to their coworkers, continually noting who is favored or more successful. They compare their appearance and attractiveness to other guys. They also have a habit of putting other men down.
Others will also idealize other guys who are more successful or who seem to have it all. The insecure guy will focus on how this successful man has the young, pretty girlfriend, or the family man whose life always seems perfect, or the bachelor who has freedom and excitement.
3. Has a chip on his shoulder
Insecure men are transparent, even though they hope they aren’t and that no one can see through them. The truth is that other people can smell anxiety a mile away and insecure men are full of anxieties.
They’re often brimming with anger under the surface. Their anger and bitterness are noticeable in situations at work and social life. It’s sad that they may not even be aware of this fact, so they won’t truly get it when you point it out.
Insecure men protect themselves with a shell (that chip), and they don’t realize that they put off others in everyday situations and sabotage their own goals.
4. He gets defensive
A frustrating behavior for the loved ones of insecure men is their tendency of getting defensive when you challenge them or suggest something they’re wrong about.
With insecure men, their egos are shaky, to begin with, so suggesting that they’re wrong or inadequate can be met hostilely. Their ego can’t take the blow.
They’re really fragile. Family and romantic partners are the ones these men open up to, so they know how insecure they really are.
As frustrating as insecure men can be, please remember to view things with empathy. In other words, bear in mind that only they know what they’re feeling, and the poor guy hasn’t figured out how to just ‘be’ in life.
If you’re dating an insecure man, don’t become his therapist and try psychoanalyzing him. Don’t tell him what his problems are. Instead, try something like, “I think you’re awesome just as you are. But if you don’t feel that way, we can try to find someone for you to talk to, just for a few sessions.”
He could take this as a way to save the relationship, or you might have to give him his walking papers, but at least you have given him an option, and that’s the most you should do. – Lisa P.
Can you remember the last time your man made you smile?
If the answer is no, and you only feel anxiety when you’re around him, then you just might be in a toxic relationship.
Men who are toxic hurt those around them. Whether it’s intentional or not, their actions cause us to question our choices and self-worth. They undermine everything and spoil what we might otherwise enjoy.
The stress of a toxic relationship can even cause physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches, neck and back pain, stomach upset, eating and sleeping disorders and nagging illnesses — and those are just the minor effects.
There’s a 34 percent increase in cardiac problems for those in toxic relationships, as well as a shortened lifespan by an average of 11 years. And that’s not all; blood pressure and blood sugar levels are higher; obesity rates, diabetes, depression, and incidences of stroke all increase; and the stress can lower your level of lower good cholesterol.
So for your mental and physical health, here are ten ways to lift yourself up, leave the relationship, and move on:
1. Clarify your boundaries
It may not happen overnight. If he’s not respecting you now, chances are it’s going to take a few times before he gets the message. Be clear about what you want and hold to your values. But ask yourself, how long do you want to wait for him to accept your boundaries?
2. Tell him that it’s over
Plan out how you’re going to let him go, then do it.
3. Do NOT justify, be reasoned with, or let him debate you
No faltering, no drama, no blaming. Let him know that it’s best for you to end it. Say what you have to say, and leave.
4. Meet in a public place
You can have someone nearby if you want the moral support of a friend. It’ll help you stay firm in case he starts telling you what you want to hear.
5. Block him
Block him on social media. Do not even look at his blogs after that. Just entirely remove that presence from your online life.
6. You can also write him a letter
If you can’t get your point across, write it down. You said it, now just write it all down. You can text, but it may not be long enough. Email works too.
7. Relish your alone time
Fill your days and evening doing things that make you happy, that occupy enough of your time so that you won’t be tempted to backslide. This is a time to think about you, to focus on what you want to do moving forward.
8. Look to positive influences
Do things and spend time with people who make you feel good. Watch a movie or read a favorite book that makes you feel positive. Do activities that inspire you to be the best you possible.
9. Give yourself time to heal
You’re an open wound right now, so give yourself time to heal. Take care of yourself right now and concentrate on your healing and self-image.
10. Now celebrate!
Congrats, you did it!
Choose the best way to honor your decision. Make it private if you’re an introvert, or go and party with your positive friends if you’re an extrovert, but do celebrate yourself. You deserve this happier, healthier new life you’re creating. – C. Sky
Self-respect is the keystone to being a woman.
Women who know their worth, and value being respected are rarely taken advantage of by men, or women for that matter. She knows the importance of boundaries, and there are certain things she would never do for a man because she would lose his respect and more importantly her self-respect. With that said, these are some of the things that should be on your list of things-not-to-do for a man:
1. Don’t Compromise On Your Values
So he wants to have kids but doesn’t want to get married – you prefer to get married and have kids. Should you compromise? He wants to have sex before marriage, but you want to wait until after you’re married. Should you compromise?
The answer is; you shouldn’t because you will regret it two weeks or one year down the line. Find someone who shares the same values as you instead.
2. Don’t give it up to keep him in love
If he says that you need to have sex with him to prove that you love him, then that’s not real love. Sex is not love, and love is not sex. Those are two different things. Besides, there’s no guarantee that when you give it up, he will stick around. In fact, there’s a high chance he will leave you twisting in the wind the moment you give in to his sexual advances.
3. Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time
Let’s be real here; women have a biological clock, and the last thing you need is for a man to waste your time. So you have been dating five years. Is he ever going to put a ring on it? If you are both financially stable, have great jobs and have been dating for more than a year, there is absolutely no reason why you should let him string you along for another five or ten years.
4. Don’t Get Knocked Up To Keep Him
This is a no-brainer. You don’t need to get pregnant to make a man see you are meant to be together. If he doesn’t see a future with you without a baby in your womb, then it’s time to call it quits.
5. Don’t Ever Chase A Man
You’re probably thinking that this isn’t the sixties, you’re a modern woman, and you can chase a man and hopefully live happily ever after. Honestly, men don’t like being chased. They like being encouraged to chase, but they don’t like being chased. Your job as a woman is to keep the man interested in the chase. Give him a bit of a challenge…let him work for it. If he doesn’t want to work for it at all, then he isn’t the one for you.
6. Don’t Be His Doormat
Relationships are about compromise. Compromising with your man doesn’t mean letting him walk all over you, devaluing your opinions and input. It means that you each value the others opinions, weighing the contributions of each and coming to a decision together. Being a doormat means you have no say in the relationship, your needs don’t matter, and your opinions don’t have any influence on him whatsoever. Being a doormat means you go along with whatever he says whether you agree or not. Is your input and opinions on an even keel with his, probably not, but a 55/45 split is still better than it used to be.
7. Don’t Let A Man Put You Down
There was once a woman who wanted to become a surgeon, but her boyfriend told her she should become a nurse instead. According to him, she wasn’t good enough to become a surgeon. Another one wanted to become a flight attendant, but her boyfriend told her she wasn’t pretty enough to become one. A man who puts down his woman has his own insecurities and is only worried that his woman will leave him for a better person. Do you really want to be with a man who is like that?
8. Never “Baby” A Man
You know how babies rely on their mothers to do everything for them? That’s what some men expect from their women. They expect you to clean for them, clean up after them and support them financially. There’s no reason why any able man should expect a woman to “baby” him. As a woman, you are only expected to support and encourage your man to become a better person. This will only work if he is taking measures to make himself a better person, not if he is a couch potato.
There you have it; 8 things you should never do for a man. You don’t have to lower your standards to get a man to put a ring on it. If he loves you, he will accept your boundaries and won’t cross them.