According to Psychologists…
Ever been told “You two bicker like an old married couple”? It turns out, that’s a good thing. According to a new series of studies by psychologists, couples who argue may have a healthier relationship than those who don’t.
Multiple studies done in the U.S. have shown that couples who argue are more likely to stay together. Psychologists believe this to be true for a number of reasons.
1. Prevents problems from mushrooming
Arguing allows couples to focus on issues that need to be solved before they become too large of a problem. When you tackle an issue when its small you have a greater chance of finding solutions that are agreeable to all.
2. Keeps communication open
44 percent of married couples believe that arguing more than once a week helps keep communication lines open. The surprising survey suggests that couples see the importance of arguing to express their needs and concerns clearly to their partner.
3. Shows commitment to the relationship
Arguing with your significant other shows you are committed to the relationship. Psychologists suggest that by fighting instead of just looking for a way out, you are showing that you want your relationship to work.
4. Shows interest in relationship
If your partner doesn’t argue with you, are they still interested in being a couple? Or have they “checked out” and are no longer concerned about the outcome of the relationship. By trying to argue things through, they’re showing that they are still interested.
5. Shows you’re comfortable expressing your opinions
If you’re looking for a sign about the future of your relationship, then the lack of arguing might be a worrisome omen. In some couple dynamics, feeling like you can’t voice your opinion or argue on your behalf could be indicative of an abusive dynamic. After all, much of abuse stems from an abuser’s desire to silence their partner.
6. Avoids resentment
Fighting helps avoid resentment. Avoiding issues that need to be addressed is a key indicator of passive-aggressive behavior, which often leads to resentment. By regularly arguing, you avoid feeling resentful because of bottled up frustrations.
7. Good fighting
Psychologists did observe that there is a difference between “good fighting” and “bad fighting.” A good argument can result in constructive actions, no resentment, and a healthier outlook on life. A bad argument is often abusive and results in one partner giving control to the other just so that the arguing will stop. Unlike with “good” fights, “bad” fights will often lead to resentment.
8. Bad fighting
Obviously, fighting can get ugly. The study shows that having too many “bad” fights tends to cause breakups. No one what to be in a relationship with constant fighting, good or bad. So despite the overall trend of frequent arguments having an overall good effect on a relationship, breakups will occur if there is too much fighting.
If done correctly, arguing can save your relationship and even make it more enjoyable. According to psychologists, there are several rules to fighting fair.
1. Stay on topic
The most important rule is to stay on target. Stay focus on the topic at hand and don’t bring up issues that happened in the past.
2. Respect Is Key
Once you stop keeping things respectful, most arguments veer into the “bad fighting” territory.
3. If you are wrong, apologize
It doesn’t make you a wuss to apologize if you’re mistaken or crossed the line from fair fighting into the Bad Lands. Rather than making you look weak, it shows your partner that you respect them.
4. Don’t bring in a third party
Arguing with your partner is not a tag-team sport, so don’t bring in your sister, mother, or best friend. A good way to make your partner feel disrespected and isolated is to bring in others to the argument. Similarly, psychologists strongly advise against comparing your partner to someone else.
5. Don’t fight dirty
Know that there are certain lines you don’t cross and for each couple those lines are different. But you know what they are. If you cross one of those lines, if you try to get the upper hand by bringing up something you know is hurtful, don’t be shocked if you can’t repair the damage you do.
by Char Brown