I remember staring out the window at the rain bouncing off the barbecue grill. Looking, but not really seeing. How had things gone so wrong?How had all my plans for the future with Alex gone up in smoke in the blink of an eye?
Alex had called one night and said we needed to talk. That should have been my first clue that something was not right. Alex had never said those words to me before. Whenever he had something to talk about, he just – did. No grand pronouncement, no asking for permission, we would just talk about whatever needed to be discussed.
I had opened the door when Alex arrived and knew immediately that it was not going to be a pleasant conversation. But what he had said was totally unexpected. Of course, as the old adage goes, “hindsight is 20/20” which in this case is true because the signs were there.
“Mand, it’s not working for me,” Alex had said. “I’m feeling claustrophobic. Things are moving too fast.”
“Too fast?” I had said. “We’ve been together for over nine months.”
“Maybe we should take a break, you know?” Alex had suggested “See if we still feel like we want to take this to the next level.”
I had looked at him like he was crazy, like I couldn’t be hearing what I was hearing. Thinking this can’t really be happening. But it was, it did.
That night was six months ago but sometimes is seems like yesterday. Oh, the hurt and shock no longer persists but the anger of being used still lingers. I suppose that to will pass in time. The irony is Alex actually did me a favor. Looking back on the relationship, I was able to see that I had started to change. I had always been a strong woman. At least that’s what I told myself but I had started to accept things from Alex that I ordinarily wouldn’t accept from a man.