You might love your partner more than you love anyone else, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is healthy. A relationship can seem like a loving and devoted one to the outside world, but if any of these ten behaviors are present in your relationship, you might want to consider that your relationship may be unhealthy.
- You look to someone else for comfort
When you have a problem, whether it is with your spouse or with something else in your life, it’s important that you feel comfortable going to your partner with these concerns. If you feel more comfortable going to someone else for support, this is a sign that your relationship is not as loving as you thought. It’s important that you can go to your partner with whatever feelings you’re having and know you will find comfort.
- You no longer see your family and friends
Being in a brand new relationship can cause some people to see less of their family and friends than they did before. This is not a phase that should last very long. As your relationship progresses you should resume seeing your family and having nights out with friends. A good relationship is not one where only your partner matters and you are isolated from those who are important to you.
- You are blamed for your partner’s lack of success
Being blamed for your partner’s lack of success is not a healthy dynamic for a relationship. Healthy relationships are all about support. You can encourage your partner to follow a dream, but you can’t achieve a dream for someone else. Your partner has to do the work. It’s not healthy for you to feel that you’re responsible for your partner’s success or lack-thereof. If your partner blames you for their lack of success, it’s only to make themselves feel better and this is very unhealthy.
- You walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner
When you’re afraid of upsetting your partner so much that you are careful of your every word and action, this is not a healthy relationship. You should never be afraid of your partner’s reaction to anything you do. Your spouse may not always like what you do, but their reaction should never make you anxious. If you find yourself nervous before your spouse comes home and dread your time with them, this is unhealthy.
- You call each other names
Name-calling is not appropriate even during arguments. It’s important to fight fairly and not say anything that might leave hurt feelings for an extended amount of time. People don’t easily forget being called names. If there is name-calling on a regular basis, this is a sign of major trouble in your relationship and needs to be stopped immediately. Couples must lift each other up, not bring each other down.
- You enable each other to live an unhealthy lifestyle
Part of a healthy relationship is wanting the best for each other mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s normal for couples to get comfortable with each other, but it’s not healthy to enable each other to become inactive, eat a poor diet that leads to unhealthy weight gain, or participate in dangerous behavior such as drug abuse. You can’t control someone else’s actions, but you can decide what kind of relationship you really want to be in.
- You have had to call the police
If things become so bad during an argument that you or your partner has felt the need to call the police for help, this is a clear sign that your relationship is unhealthy. It doesn’t matter if you were physically violent with each other, or just threatened each other with violence, calling the cops is a big deal that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
- You don’t spend any quality time together
It’s not a bad thing when couples have their own hobbies, but it’s important to spend quality time together as well. If one partner is always on the computer, watching TV, or rock-climbing with friends while the other is feeling neglected, this is not a healthy relationship. If you don’t have any shared interests, you can try new things together. Even little things like going for a walk to get ice cream can be good bonding time. It’s important to get away from technology now and then and take the time to talk to each other. This is how you learn what the other is feeling and discover common goals you have.
- You don’t know where your partner goes
If your partner disappears for hours or days at a time and refuses to give you any details, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Healthy couples can tell each other where they are going and who they are going with. Leaving a partner to worry is a selfish act that should not be tolerated.
- There is extreme jealousy in your relationship
Extreme jealousy can be a relationship killer. If you talk to someone of the opposite gender and your partner becomes jealous and pulls you away from the conversation or makes accusations about you cheating, this is an unhealthy relationship. You cannot avoid people of the opposite sex for the rest of your life. You shouldn’t be expected to give up any friends you have because your partner can’t handle anyone else being part of your life. Extreme jealousy can leave you feeling as though you are doing something wrong and gives your partner the control.
If your relationship exhibits any of the habits listed above, you are in an unhealthy relationship. Love isn’t always enough to overcome an unhealthy relationship, but if both people are willing to work on issues, the relationship can, in time, become healthy.