Is he still pining over his ex? You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his […]
Think your relationship is taking a turn for the worst?
Below is a list of signs depicting a failing relationship. Read carefully and take action accordingly if needed.
1. You’re always bickering
It seems like all you do is look for reasons to fight. Big or small, it doesn’t matter because it always ends in a massive conflict. The fighting is taking over your lives. It’s like every time you try to communicate; you end up fighting with each other.
2. You don’t talk about the future
If you suddenly go from discussing your future together to avoiding the discussion at all, then it’s showing a serious lack of interest to carry the relationship any further. Try to fix this by reopening the conversation again. If it’s just fatigue or work-related stress, talking about a happier future with your partner, even if it’s silly like living in eco-friendly housing, it can help lighten the mood and reopen the discussion.
3. You avoid each other
If it seems like you don’t have time for one another, that you’re too busy with something, the worst part can be that you don’t appear to mind not seeing each other often. If you’re actively looking for reasons not to see each other, or you spend more time with friends and family, anything to avoid being together, this is a definite danger sign.
4. No more cuddles
If affection has died down or it’s non-existent, the pecks on the cheek and the cuddling are gone, then this is a huge problem. The greater the distance between you physically, the more it increases emotionally as well.
5. All about you
When “we” start going out of the picture and it’s “me” again, it’s a sign that you and your partner are no longer including each other in anything, then that’s a huge indicator that your attachment to each other is gone. Again, if you’d rather spend time alone than with them, it’s a sad sign your relationship is failing.
6. Distance keeps growing
No matter how much you love your partner, there are certain behaviors that a strong, confident woman will NEVER tolerate in a relationship. Compromising, meeting halfway, and accepting your partner, these are all important if you want a fulfilling relationship, but a woman who knows her worth will never allow herself to become a victim.
Here are some things a strong, confident woman will NOT tolerate in a relationship.
1. Physical Abuse
There is no logical reason why two adults should ever feel okay with putting their hands on one another in violence. The physical build of a man versus the physical build of a woman are totally different and lead to a naturally unfair fight. A man with deep anger issues is to be avoided. Let him work out those issues before he enters a relationship because conflict will come up. It’s important to know that when conflict arises, a man won’t resort to physical violence as a solution.
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is an intense and awful experience. In many cases, many women believe emotional abuse is actually more difficult to handle than physical abuse. Emotional abuse involves how a man speaks to you and how he mistreats you. Does he call you degrading names or speak to you with a lack of respect? Does he embarrass you in front of other people or even other family members like the children? If so, it’s not a reflection of you as a woman. It’s a direct reflection of him as an insecure man. Never tolerate emotional abuse because words can cut deeply and mess with your psyche for the rest of your life.
Is he still pining over his ex?
You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his ex.
He still gets emotional whenever he talks about his ex
Does your boyfriend get that far-away look in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles when he mentions his ex? Or does he blowup and call her a bitch? Either scenario might signal that he is not totally over her. You may be setting yourself up for heartache if you get involved with a man who still harbors feelings for his last love. No one wants to be the rebound girl, because it rarely works out in your favor.
He can’t stop comparing you to her
Who the hell wants to constantly be compared to their boyfriend’s ex? Most of the time it’s done in a complimentary way. He might say that you have a sweet smile just like his last girlfriend, or his ex was gentle and kind just like you.
Of course there is the other side of the spectrum where he may suggest that his ex is smarter or more athletic (which is code for skinnier) than you. No matter how the comparisons are done, he probably still has feelings for his ex.
He still talks with her… a lot
It’s normal for relationships to cool down after a while. You no longer get that giddy feeling you once did when he turned the corner. You still enjoy your time with him, but there’s something missing. If you’ve been dating someone for a while, it’s normal for things to become comfortable and sometimes routine. You don’t want to become complacent, though, because that can ruin your relationship. This article outlines five reason why your relationship is no longer exciting.
1. You stopped having your own life
It’s extremely important to continue having a life of your own no matter what stage of your relationship you’re in. You can’t cling to your boyfriend constantly. You can share activities and friends, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own as well. Being able to do your own thing without your boyfriend will help you hold on to a bit of your independence. If you start sitting at home waiting around for your boyfriend all the time, you may feel left out when he continues to have his own life. Being a couple doesn’t mean you have to stop having your own life.
2. You don’t make time for sex
On your way to finding true love, four types of guys will break your heart:
The guy who will probably hurt you the most is the player because he will make you feel so foolish. This guy doesn’t care if he hurts you. Hell, he doesn’t care what you think about him. He will hit and quit at the blink of an eye. The good thing about being played by a player is that you learn your lesson. You learn how to spot them from a mile away. Most people will tell you to stay as far away from the player as possible, but here, we will show you how to outplay this guy and beat him at his own game.
Blow hot and cold
A player is used to getting attention from his women. He knows they can’t get enough of him so go ahead and give him some attention and then disappear. Do this for a while and he will start wondering where you are and why you are giving him the cold shoulder. He isn’t used to getting mixed signals from women so when you start blowing hot and cold, you will definitely have his attention.
Let the player talk about himself during your dates. Let him share with you his interests, his passion or whatever else he wants to share with you. You on the other hand, shouldn’t share everything about you all at once. Share just enough to keep him interested and coming back for more.
Blow him away
There’s this woman; let’s call her Jackie.
So Jackie has been going out with this guy for a while now and she thinks he is the greatest. In fact, when they are together, they have a blast but there’s one huge problem. The guy disappears for periods at a time. He doesn’t reply to her texts or her calls. Jackie talks to him every time about his distancing behaviors and he apologizes but after a few days of lovey dovey, he disappears again. Jackie wants to know what the deal with this guy is.
The answer is simple…the guy is emotionally unavailable. Such guys can lead you on for years if you let them. This is your best shot at finding out if your man is emotionally unavailable. Here are a few signs you should look out for.
This is a no brainer but you’d be surprised at how many women are willing to let this time waster into their lives. This guy is probably a charmer otherwise, how do you explain his ability to lure women into relationships with them? He will convince you that he is not in love with his wife but who is he going home to at the end of the day? We bet he has canceled several dates because God forbid he should miss his kid’s dance recital because of you. Do you really want to be the other woman? The mistress? Don’t waste your time with this guy.
If only you could change a man’s ways…
The good news is, you actually can, but only if he wants to, or is able to change.
It’s never been about what you say but it’s about how you say it. How you say what you say can make him love you more or less.
Here’s a scenario. Jackie met this guy that she really liked. All her friends told her the guy was a loser, lazy and self-centered. But in a span of just a few weeks, the guy transformed into a loyal, loving and completely new man. Sounds like a fairy tale right? So what did Jackie do that other women could not?
The answer is pretty simple…Jackie knew one very important secret about men. They need to be emotionally invested in the relationship. We gave you signs to help you recognize an emotionally unavailable man in a previous article, so use it to spot the available ones.
Men who are not emotionally invested in anything are lazy, weak and have no ambition in life. Think about athletes, for example. They are so passionate about what they do that they are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best. They have invested in their career emotionally.
So do you want your man to invest emotionally in your relationship? Here are four words you should use to help you move things along:
Words of honor build endearment and fondness in your relationship. For instance, let’s take a look at two replies to the same question.
Boyfriend: Will you call Liz and her husband to confirm we are coming over for dinner?
Answer 1: Yes
Answer 2: yes my love
Let’s just start by saying cheating boyfriends shouldn’t be forgiven easily, if at all.
If he cheats on you, break up with him or talk to him…just don’t let him disrespect or humiliate you again. But sometimes love can be so strong you just don’t see how you can break it off with your boyfriend just because of one discrepancy.
Most women are afraid that if they forgive their significant other for cheating, people will think they are weak or stupid. But take the example of Hillary Clinton. She got cheated on by her husband but she took him back anyway. The only person who ended up with egg on her face was Monica Lewinsky, the mistress. It takes a strong woman to forgive a cheating boyfriend so if you must take him back, make sure he does these six things:
He has to let go of the other woman
He has to kick her to the curb. It doesn’t matter if he has known her since kindergarten. In fact, he has to end things with her if he has known her since kindergarten. If they have known each other for that long, there are probably feelings involved and whatever was going on between them was more than sexual so there’s a high chance he might cheat again if she sticks around. Giving up his friend is a huge sacrifice but after what he put you through, he had better do it. Besides, what sort of friend is she if she doesn’t mind breaking up relationships?
He has to invest back into the relationship
It’s so easy for a relationship to derail and get off course.
A lot of us tend to make our relationships more complicated than they actually are. To keep you from falling into that trap, here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep your relationship on the rails and heading in the right direction.
1. All successful relationships require some work.
They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key.
2. Most of the time you get what you put in.
If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life.
Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet.
Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
5. We all change, and that’s okay.
Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
We met before the time I knew myself.
It was the time when your approval mattered—when your approval became the foundation of the fragmented woman I was.
“You tell me who I am,” I would say, as I awaited your instruction, wide-eyed and so very eager to please. And you told me who I needed to be to win your approval, and your love so laced with conditions and strings attached to heights I would never reach. You drew your lines and wooed me into them.
But your lines soon grew into walls. Walls so wide and tall and deep I could no longer see over them or around them. They closed in around me and I became captive to them as they seethed with your hushed expectations.
I could never leave, for if I did I would know of your rejection, your disapproval, your criticism, and abuse. And you were the one to build me, so I could not bear that you would break me.
Though afraid of the darkness, I stayed in your walls so fraught with conditional love and approval. Sometimes I would see a shard of light, fleetingly, and I would believe for one whimsical moment in the love you were never capable of; that perhaps you would see beyond the surface so smeared with scars and recognize the purity of the heart underneath.
But I would soon learn your love was not light, nor hope, nor truth, nor freedom. It was the sound of the door as it closed behind you, the lock and key to your walls of darkness. I molded and shaped and bent myself to fit within your walls, but no matter how small I became for you, my efforts were futile when the walls would always change shape on your irrational whims.
The darkness grew thicker, more pungent with your dissatisfaction, until my heart too became dark, filled with a blackness that poisoned my mind and wasted away my soul. I began to hate myself almost as much as you did, this girl who could do no right. Worthless, hopeless, useless.
You nearly broke me.
But not quite.
You turn away from the world because you believe the mistakes you have made are tattooed all over your body and that is all the world can see; marks of shame you cannot wipe clean no matter how many years you scrub your skin until no more blood can seep from your pores still stained with filth and sin.
You turn away from the world because you believe you are defined by your past, by the choices you made when there were no other choices; that you are bound to the girl you once were by the invisible ropes still tied around your hands and feet, held in place by words of shame that will never deliver you from their grasp.
You turn away from the world because you believe you are not deserving to hold your head high and look it in the eye; that you carry a scarlet letter upon your forehead that will blind those who dare to look your way, and you cannot stand to see the way they turn their face from your tainted humanity.
You forget, foolish girl.
You forget what you have survived.
You forget you fought alone against the world when your hands were too small to defeat the weight of it, and so you took it on as your own even though it almost crushed you.
You forget you were betrayed by those who should have protected you and so you barricaded yourself behind hard edges and sharp corners and promised to never trust or need another again.
You forget the way love was shown as abuse and abuse was shown as love and the shame you were forced to carry because of the way you longed to be loved even when that looked like abuse.
You forget you sat alone in a room filled with despair as your hands shook and blood trailed down your wrist and in that moment when you could have chosen death, you chose life.
The majority of women have done this in their relationship at some point.
As I’ve matured, I’ve become a woman that knows what she wants, and I’m not afraid to ask for it. But I haven’t always been this assertive. In the past, I honestly had no idea exactly what I wanted and felt I couldn’t risk bruising my partner’s ego by asking for certain things.
For some reason, I saw my satisfaction as secondary to my partner’s. I thought I was supposed to pretend to enjoy myself in an effort not to make sex “too complicated” or unenjoyable. To not come across as difficult.
So I lied. I moaned, groaned and smiled, and sometimes I was barely able to keep myself from yawning when I was less than impressed by my partner. I claimed to like the things being done to my body that was, well, plain awful.
We have allowed some men to maintain a sense of pride and confidence in their lovemaking skills when they should have received a failing grade. Not only as women did we fail our partners by giving them a passing grade, but we also doomed the next woman to mediocre sex.
So to set the record straight, I have compiled a list of lies that I, and some of the women I know have told in the past.
Lie: “Yes, of course I came.”
Truth: I’ve never completed with you because you don’t last long enough.