Is he still pining over his ex? You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his […]
It’s so hard to accept the fact that you still want a man who doesn’t want you because you’re not that girl. You know your worth, and it’s unfair because you know the only person you’re hurting is yourself… But damn, he somehow got you under his spell… And even though he left and broke your heart, you still can’t seem to let him go.
You know for a fact you were shortchanging yourself by staying with him. You’re certain there’s someone else out there who’ll love everything about you in ways that he never did…
But you’re struggling. You put so much effort into loving a person who didn’t love you back and you don’t want to admit that all that time was wasted. The last thing you want to happen to you is having your heart broken like this again. Because putting in this much effort is hard and it hurts…
You know that relationships are never easy or perfect so giving up was never an option… Until he left. That was the moment you realized that just because you wanted someone didn’t mean they wanted you too. And that was harder to accept than you ever thought possible. Because you did everything in your power to be the woman he wanted.
You loved every part of him, good and bad. But not only did that love not fix the problems you had as a couple, it’s made it terribly hard for you to let him go.
Your heart wants nothing more than to win him back but your mind is telling you, “he left, move on.” You meet a great new guy but just can’t find it within yourself to like him the way you liked your ex. Your world is shattered and you really have no idea where to start when it comes to living again.
But eventually, you will do it. Life will become easier and you’ll slowly start to forget him. You’ll start focusing on yourself more, learning what life is all about and remembering what’s important in relationships.
You’ll start realizing that yes, love is complicated, but it’s not the only thing that keeps people together. Just because you can’t put anyone else above him right now, doesn’t mean you’ll always feel that way. It just means you have a heart and that when you love someone… You love them with everything in you, and that’s a trait you need to hold onto!
Just take things day by day; live your life and mourn the loss of your love.
Eventually, it’ll get easier. Your heart will heal.
When it has and you can finally move on, you’ll be free to find the person who won’t ever leave your side. And when that time comes, you will completely understand why you’ve had to deal with all the heartbreak you’ve gone through.
You need an ambitious girl in your life for many reasons, but if you have her as a girlfriend you really lucked out. Ambitious women have it all together, and they know how to treat their man right. So here are some of the many reasons you need to be dating an ambitious girl.
1. She is independent
An ambitious woman has her sh*t together and she likes it that way. She likes knowing she is all she needs to be happy and successful. A woman like her is someone guys hold onto because she is real and ready to take on the world with the right guy by her side.
2. She has dreams and no one is going to stop her from reaching them
She isn’t waiting for her prince charming to come around and make her life perfect. She goes out there and does it herself because she is already the Queen. She understands that if she wants something she has to work for it because nothing will ever be given to her.
3. She doesn’t play games
You aren’t messing with a child anymore, this girl is an adult and she isn’t about to play some teenage game with you. You either want all of her or none of her and she sure as hell isn’t afraid to walk away if you can’t give her what she deserves.
4. When she falls in love it’s the real thing
She doesn’t toss around love. When she falls she falls hard, but she makes sure it’s with a guy she see’s a future with because right now, she doesn’t have time to be wasting it on guys who only want to be around for a week.
5. She doesn’t need a man
The one thing you will have to get over is wanting to feel needed because she doesn’t need a man. She wants a man. She wants someone she can share her successes with and who will be by her side to go on amazing adventures with.
She wants a man who loves her for her ambition and sees her as one of the best things in the world. Because if you find a woman like this, she will be the one you won’t ever want to let go.
6. She wants to support herself and she can
It’s not that she doesn’t like a guy buying her flowers or wanting to pay for dinner every once in a while. She just wants you to know she is with you for who you are not what you can offer her because she can take care of herself. Who doesn’t want a woman like that, though?
7. She doesn’t look for hand-outs
She never asks for help because she knows she is just fine on her own. Hand-outs are a thing of the past and she is proud of herself for being able to support all the things she needs to.
8. She is one of the smartest women you will ever meet
She may even be smarter than you, but this girl is someone who knows her stuff. She is responsible with her money, she works hard, and she wants to be able to have a great life. This makes her such an amazing girlfriend because you never have to worry about her doing something that could hurt either of you.
9. She knows what she wants in her life
She isn’t okay with her life just being “ehhh whatever” she wants the best and she is going to make that happen! When you have an ambitious girl she is someone you see a future with. She is someone who will send you pictures of her dream house and say, “we will have this one day.” And in your heart, you know you will, because that’s how hard your awesome girl works.
10. She is wifey material you can take home to your mother
She is the girl of your dreams and someone your mother will love! So make sure if you don’t have yourself an ambitious girl yet, you go out there and find one.
11. Her love is unlike any other girls
She is the best girlfriend because her love is true. She wants nothing other than to make you the happiest man on earth and she usually does a pretty good job. You will love her because she is independent, smart, ambitious and has her sh*t together. But the thing you will love the most about her is that her heart and love will always be yours.
She really is a woman you need if you are looking to settle down and I promise you, us ambitious girls are so worth it.
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I bet you can remember the exact moment when you close your eyes and the next thing you know you see him smiling back at you. Hell if you think hard enough you can still smell his cologne and feel the way his arms felt around you. The remnants of his lips on yours still lingers, especially when touching your lips.
I bet you catch yourself letting out a giant sigh because you wish for a moment you could have it all back.
But you know shouldn’t… And yet, you still do.
You want to hear his voice one more time tell you your three favorite words. You want to feel his chest against your head as he gave you the biggest hug. You want to lace your fingers in his and remember how you always wondered how they could be so rough and soft at the same time. It was like they were meant to just perfectly fit with your fingers.
Of course, it doesn’t seem to take much to bring you back to these memories, to a different time, to fantasy land. Whether it is a song, a movie, someone mentioning his name, or a lapse of de-Ja-Vu.
Don’t you just hate when that happens?
Sometimes these memories start with a smile and subtly fade away. Other times, out of nowhere, it feels like a sucker punch to the gut and the wind is knocked out of you, and you just become immersed in the pain all over again.
You begin to miss the person you used to be, the person you were when you were with him. You begin to miss the feeling of safeness when everything made sense.
You miss the comfortableness and the ease of everything. You start with the “what ifs” and the “could have been’s” and they literally eat away at you.
Being angry takes a lot of energy. Moving on means accepting things are truly over. Trust me I know it is a lot easier to hold on for dear life to the happy moments, to hold onto the bliss and push out all the painful memories. You were more open to experiencing different things because you weren’t scared of losing him.
You weren’t worried about his intentions or if your heart was going to end up shattered into millions of little pieces. You just weren’t afraid of losing him. You never thought about what life would look like if there wasn’t him and you.
Then it happened.
I imagine it like one of those moments in a movie when the entire world stands still. Everything comes crashing to a halt. What was once just the making of an absolute worst nightmare, suddenly becomes your reality, and life was no longer a bunch of happy memories of “us” and “forever” but now separated into “then” and “now”, to “him” and “you”.
Life doesn’t seem fair when you willing gave your heart to someone and hoped they’d have the decency to take care of it.
Listen though, I bet if you thought long and hard you probably don’t really miss him as much as you think, perhaps really, you just miss the idea of him.
More importantly, you miss what it felt like to have your heart whole. To not have to look at all of these broken pieces and wonder what you’re supposed to do now.
You miss what you knew because if we’re being honest the unknown is scary. Starting over and learning about someone new and opening up your freshly wounded heart is petrifying.
You miss knowing someone better than you knew yourself. It seems that it was really easy to take your love for granted because you never thought there would be an expiration date on it.
You made choices and set expectations because you never pictured the end.
It’s why you shy away when there are any chances of a romantic encounter. It’s why you try to find every reason why this one won’t work out and why you shouldn’t dip your toes in the water again.
It’s why when you start to think about allowing yourself to be vulnerable you pull away.
It’s easier to get lost in the memories than accept the truth of the situation. It’s hard to come to grasp with the idea that you don’t need to remember his birthday, his favorite food, or the things he hates.
You lose the comfort in knowing someone always called you at midnight on your birthday. Someone that knew which dates were important to you and knew how to console you when you were feeling down.
If we break that down a little more he was a safety net, he was your equivalence to a childhood blanket.
He made you feel safe, and when you begin to miss his voice and his presence, perhaps it’s because you miss the things he said to make you feel better. You miss having someone there for you when the going got tough.
Memories can be great things, and it’s okay to reminiscence every once in a while, but don’t allow yourself to get stuck there, because memories have a way of stopping you from living your life and creating your future. You have to make new memories, you have to let someone else in and you have to let yourself find happiness again.
Eventually, you have to let go.
It’s no fun to think about relationships in two ways, you’ll either end up with that person for the rest of your life and they’ll start an amazing journey with you, or you’ll break up and they’ll just be a stepping stone to who you’re supposed to be with.
I’m not saying go into every relationship with that mindset because there is too much pressure into thinking about people like that but instead to just take it all in. You lost him and it hurt like hell but you will move forward and meet the right person.
It’s okay to miss someone, you gave them a portion of your heart and your life and they did the same with you. In fact, you will always carry a piece of them with you, they’ve helped shape you into the person you are. They impacted your life in some way or shape, no matter the outcome of your relationship.
Real talk though, you do have to stop bringing yourself down, you absolutely have to stop opening up wounds that are trying to heal, because if you continuously mess with them you’re never going to get better, and let me tell you something you deserve to get better.
You deserve to be HAPPY.
Let me repeat that for those in the back, you deserve every shred of HAPPINESS this world has to offer.
Yes, being vulnerable and going through heartbreak has left a scar on your heart, but let that scar do more than hinder you. Let it guide you.
Let it be a lesson and a reminder that you are stronger than you believe and that you are capable of being loved and loving someone in return.
Take a moment to remember it all for what it’s worth but then, let it go. Break out of that fantasy land that everything is going back to how it was and start looking forward to tomorrow’s opportunities.
Because tomorrow could be the best day of your life if you let it. Tomorrow could be the start of a new journey. A journey that could lead to amazing things but first you have to pull your head out of the clouds, plant your feet on the ground, and start living your best life.
You deserve it.
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Relationships can be a real struggle, but having someone who loves you enough to deal with the daily struggles of life, is a wonderful feeling to have. And this is why our relationship is my favorite story.
You have been by my side through thick and thin, you’ve supported me endlessly in whatever I chose to do with my life. The most supportive you have been being when I left the job that I dreaded going to and finding a job that I was passionate about. You loved the fact that I finally went after a job that I want to have a career in. I have so much drive in me to run my own coffee shop down the line, but I never had the experience of working in a coffee shop until now.
Yeah, there are days I will text you that I am feeling overwhelmed with the job, but you remind me to breathe and take it easy. You remind me that this is what I am most passionate about.
I also love how you are so willing to help me with the kids. Whenever my nieces and nephew are around you help me out the best that you can. If I’m sick, you take over for me and help me out. If I want to take the kids out for a few hours and you are around, you go with me and you give me a hand with them,
I’ve been fortunate enough to find a love at the age of 19, that turned into the most amazing relationship. I hear so many people say how your 20’s should be about exploring. The thing is, I don’t want to explore this world without you by my side. I don’t want to fight with anyone else.
I don’t want to give another girl the chance to steal you from me. I want to be the girl who you tell your kids “we went through hell and back, but she was worth it every step of the way” I want to be the girl who walks down the aisle to you. The girl who makes you fall in love every single day.
Do you want to know why? You are the guy who has my heart, and the guy I want to fall hopelessly in love with until the end of time.
I have to start by saying that everything we had, was real. The chemistry, the adventures, the shared values, the common interests, the good memories – it was all real. And you did save me by letting me go.
But somewhere between the giddy first dates and falling for you, something else happened. I don’t know exactly when, but toxicity crept in. And the self-doubt, manipulation, desperation, and rigidity that grew over the next five years – so intense that I completely lost myself – well that was real too. For every high, there was a lower low, and the cycle quickly spun out of control.
It wasn’t your fault that I was young, naïve, and didn’t know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like, but you were supposed to show me. It wasn’t your fault that I let you call the shots, but you were supposed to make me feel like you valued my opinion. It wasn’t your fault that I went through personal challenges in the years we were together, but you were supposed to support me. And you didn’t. Instead, I was so blinded by wanting us to be perfect, that I didn’t notice how unhappy I was.
I’m still sifting through the distortions I have, trying to figure out which are my own, and which you put in my head. When I avoid the mirror, is it because my body isn’t good enough for me? Or because it wasn’t good enough for you?
When I turn away from the couple making out on the street, is it because I don’t like PDA, or because I’m jealous that you were never affectionate? When I bite my tongue from sharing my opinion, is it because I’m unsure of myself, or because I expect to be shot down? When I shiver seeing abuse on Facebook, or in movies and songs, is it because I feel bad for the girl, or because I was her…
Admitting how traumatized I feel is pathetic. Especially since I called you my protector. But here’s the thing, being willing to walk through fire for someone doesn’t mean anything if you’re the one burning them over and over.
You always saw it as looking out for me, as keeping me safe, as validation of your love. But the saying, “it’s the thought that counts” is actually bullshit. In this case, your intentions, however pure you thought they were, resulted in standards I could never live up to, expectations I would never meet, and kept me so confined within the boundaries and rules you set, that I didn’t notice how submissive I’d become.
But when the rose-colored glasses came off and I was able to see the truth for the first time, something clicked. So it may seem odd after all the pain you’ve caused me, but I want to thank you for three things:
First, thank you for showing me how to love. How to be so head over heels for someone who no matter how much they drive me nuts, I still want to wake up next to them every day. Loving you the way I did enabled me to see exactly what giving myself and the world to someone looks like and showed me that I wasn’t getting that in return.
Because the problem is, love, dependence, and desperation are all different things. I loved you so hard because that’s how I justified how much it hurt. If I could convince myself that it was mutual, then all of a sudden, it was okay. But is love that isn’t shown or felt even real? I’m not so sure. And maybe you did really love me the best you could, but unfortunately, it wasn’t the kind of love that I needed.
Next, thank you for showing me what I need in my next relationship. It took me a while to differentiate being selfish from being honest about what I need. Wanting validation, support and encouragement isn’t selfish. Wanting to be with someone who makes me feel on top of the world isn’t selfish. And most importantly, wanting to know every single day that I’m good enough isn’t selfish.
Next time, I won’t settle. I won’t confuse double standards for chivalry, rules, and restrictions for caring, or jealousy for compliments. Next time, I will again give everything I have, but next time, I’ll get it in return.
So finally, thank you for letting me go. Ultimately it was me who made the decision to walk away for good and to choose myself in a way you were never able to choose me, but the irony is that it was your hesitation that gave me the space to do it.
Those first few weeks I was furious, I was hurt and I was confused. Now all I can say is I’m relieved. By letting me go, you saved me.
I honestly don’t know if I would have realized the truth if you hadn’t insisted that we break up to see if we really wanted to be together. Maybe it would have stayed buried, or maybe it would have built up until I exploded. Exploded one night, after a fight in your house, the one we built together. Exploded one afternoon, planning the wedding I always thought I wanted, but for some reason, I could never quite picture. Exploded one day when it came time to talk about kids, the ones you didn’t want but the ones I know I needed.
This will come as a shock to you, but I haven’t cried. Since the day that you insisted you could change and begged me to let you and I said no, I haven’t broken down. And at first, that scared me. I thought something was wrong. But then I realized that plenty of tears have already fallen.
I was grieving the relationship while it was still happening and I didn’t even know it. I was crying for the things I needed that I subconsciously knew I wasn’t going to get, and crying for the things I didn’t want that you gave me all too often.
I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you were meant to teach me to trust, to let someone in, and to give all of myself to someone else. Maybe you were meant to help me climb to the top of the cliff so that when you pushed me off and I came crashing down, I would be able to build myself back up again.
I’m stronger now because of you. I’m going to raise my standards because of you. I know what I deserve because of you. Next time, I’m going to love harder because of you. And one day, I’m going to get from someone else the selfless love that I tried so desperately to give you.
I’m still figuring out what’s next for me, but I only have this chance to truly find myself because of you. So while I’m sorry that you were the collateral damage on this journey of self-discovery, you letting me go allowed me to take it, and for that, I’ll always be grateful
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Is your relationship on the skids?
Since most people have more than one serious relationship in their lifetime, it’s safe to say that you’ve been in a relationship that has failed. The trick is not lingering in a failing relationship wasting precious time and being miserable. Recognizing the signs that your relationship has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel is crucial for either taking actions to correct what can be fixed or to let go of what’s not salvageable.
1. You’re always bickering
It seems like all you do is look for reasons to fight. Big or small, it doesn’t matter because it always ends in a massive conflict. The fighting is taking over your lives. It’s like every time you try to communicate; you end up fighting with each other.
2. You don’t talk about the future
If you suddenly go from discussing your future together to avoiding the discussion at all, then it’s showing a serious lack of interest to carry the relationship any further. Try to fix this by reopening the conversation again. If it’s just fatigue or work-related stress, talking about a happier future with your partner, even if it’s silly like living in eco-friendly housing, it can help lighten the mood and reopen the discussion.
3. You avoid each other
If it seems like you don’t have time for one another, that you’re too busy with something, the worst part can be that you don’t appear to mind not seeing each other often. If you’re actively looking for reasons not to see each other, or you spend more time with friends and family, anything to avoid being together, this is a definite danger sign.
4. No more cuddles
If affection has died down or it’s non-existent, the pecks on the cheek and the cuddling are gone, then this is a huge problem. The greater the distance between you physically, the more it increases emotionally as well.
5. All about you
When “we” start going out of the picture and it’s “me” again, it’s a sign that you and your partner are no longer including each other in anything, then that’s a huge indicator that your attachment to each other is gone. Again, if you’d rather spend time alone than with them, it’s a sad sign your relationship is failing.
6. Distance keeps growing
The times you would be very attentive, always texting, calling, Skyping, Instant Messanger, emailing has come to an end. Now only one of you is planning outings while the other most often finds reasons to renege on them.
7. Things aren’t good in the bedroom
The physical attraction has waned, or it’s nonexistent. The lack of sex can show the waning of overall attraction. Being physical with one another is vital in a relationship, and the absence of it is one of the best indicators of a failing relationship.
8. You’re not happy
This one’s pretty obvious. If your relationship is the source of more depression and dissatisfaction than joy, if you’re not excited just to be around them again, then something is very wrong.
9. The negative outweighs the positive
Everybody has flaws, but when you love someone, you choose to look past them and concentrate on their good qualities. When their flaws start overshadowing their positive aspects, then the relationship is really in trouble, since little things are going to lead to arguments more often.
10. You start noticing other people
This is another significant sign. If you’ve lost interest in your partner, then it’s natural for you to be attracted to other people instead. When this happens, you know your relationship is doomed, and you should get out of it NOW before you end up doing something you’ll regret!
11. Constant criticism
Negative words without constructive criticism, without being tempered with affection, leaves no room for either of you to grow. It’s unhealthy for both of you, so you should call it quits and save yourselves the misery and stress.
12. Listen to your gut
In the end, you know yourself more than anyone, and when something feels off, it probably is. Go with that feeling and trust your instincts.
There’s never a time when you need to hold onto something when you know it will just become destructive. All the hope and faith in the world can’t save a relationship where both parties aren’t willing to work on their problems. And it’s hard to fix things once they are broken.
People drift apart. This is natural and if it happens to you, don’t fight if there’s nothing to fight for. The only time to try and save a relationship is when you’re both willing to change, and you can both look back and see something worth saving. If not, then it’s time to move forward, for both your sake. – C. Sky
No matter how much you love your partner, there are certain behaviors that a strong, confident woman will NEVER tolerate in a relationship. Compromising, meeting halfway, and accepting your partner, these are all important if you want a fulfilling relationship, but a woman who knows her worth will never allow herself to become a victim.
Here are some things a strong, confident woman will NOT tolerate in a relationship.
1. Physical Abuse
There is no logical reason why two adults should ever feel okay with putting their hands on one another in violence. The physical build of a man versus the physical build of a woman are totally different and lead to a naturally unfair fight. A man with deep anger issues is to be avoided. Let him work out those issues before he enters a relationship because conflict will come up. It’s important to know that when conflict arises, a man won’t resort to physical violence as a solution.
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is an intense and awful experience. In many cases, many women believe emotional abuse is actually more difficult to handle than physical abuse. Emotional abuse involves how a man speaks to you and how he mistreats you. Does he call you degrading names or speak to you with a lack of respect? Does he embarrass you in front of other people or even other family members like the children? If so, it’s not a reflection of you as a woman. It’s a direct reflection of him as an insecure man. Never tolerate emotional abuse because words can cut deeply and mess with your psyche for the rest of your life.
Even on a biblical level, cheating is never okay. Many men will claim that it’s unrealistic to expect a man to remain faithful to one woman. Another common excuse men give when they want to cheat involves the claim that it’s just sex and it’s not an emotional exchange. When a man is okay with being unfaithful and hurting you, run.
4. Lack of Communication
It is a documented fact that women speak thousands of words more than men do on a daily basis. Even with taking that into consideration, a lack of communication is major for women.
5. Lack of Support
When you enter into a romantic relationship with someone else, there’s an underlying desire for support and love. Support doesn’t necessarily equate to financial provision. In today’s society, most women come into a relationship able to financially provide and take care of themselves. The support in this context involves healthy validation, encouragement and love. When a spouse or partner continues to be unsupportive of your dreams, they will become a roadblock to your future. The last person you need to be in a relationship with is a dream killer.
Dishonesty is pretty major because when a person consistently lies, it builds a nest of deceit. When a person proves themselves to always be deceitful, it’s hard (almost impossible) to trust them. Furthermore, omission is betrayal as well. Whether it is telling a “white lie” about taking care of some chores around the house or leaving out the major detail that guy’s night is at a strip club, these are deal breakers that are breeding ground for more issues.
7. Poor Hygiene
Hygiene is one of those offenses that can be easy to correct. Still, it is still an offense. If your partner is a total slob, doesn’t practice good hygiene or has an intense body odor that won’t go away with a long, hot shower, explore different ways to remedy this issue. If they are unwilling, it might be time to consider more drastic measures for sanity’s sake. – Lisa P.
Is he still pining over his ex?
You have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend is not over his ex. That he’s not ready to move on and commit to the relationship. Before you get too emotionally attached to this man you need to recognize the signs that he STILL might not be over his ex.
He still gets emotional whenever he talks about his ex
Does your boyfriend get that far-away look in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles when he mentions his ex? Or does he blowup and call her a bitch? Either scenario might signal that he is not totally over her. You may be setting yourself up for heartache if you get involved with a man who still harbors feelings for his last love. No one wants to be the rebound girl, because it rarely works out in your favor.
He can’t stop comparing you to her
Who the hell wants to constantly be compared to their boyfriend’s ex? Most of the time it’s done in a complimentary way. He might say that you have a sweet smile just like his last girlfriend, or his ex was gentle and kind just like you.
Of course there is the other side of the spectrum where he may suggest that his ex is smarter or more athletic (which is code for skinnier) than you. No matter how the comparisons are done, he probably still has feelings for his ex.
He still talks with her… a lot
No one is saying that he can’t communicate with his ex from time to time but when he is constantly texting or talking with her, it might mean that he still hasn’t cut his emotional connection with her. Secretly, he might be hoping that they get back together, leaving you out in the cold.
He still checks her social media
If your boyfriend is always up to date on his ex’s latest post, and if his browser history is full of her social media accounts, he is still hung-up on his ex. It might be time to decide if you want to take the chance of getting too involved with someone who is not ready to move on.
He still keeps her gifts and pictures
Look, if he wants to keep an expensive piece of jewelry that his ex gave him as a present, I’m okay with that if there is no longer any sentimental attachment to it. But if he views the presents from his ex as precious mementos and thinks about her every time he looks at them, he is still smitten with his ex.
You sense that something is “off”
Every woman has it, just some choose to ignore it, while others act on it… intuition. If he is saying all the right words but his actions are telling you something different, believe his actions. A lot of us know early on in a relationship that something is not right. But we may really like the guy and give him the benefit of the doubt, even when our gut is telling us to GET THE HELL OUT!
These signs are to help you make a decision about the directions of the relationship. Don’t just sit back and hope things get better, or tell yourself that you’re just being silly. Clear the air, ask him about his feelings for his ex. Be honest about your concerns and don’t take his denials at face value. You have to remember that you deserve someone who is going to be capable of letting go of his ex and able to fully commit to a new relationship.
It’s normal for relationships to cool down after a while. You no longer get that giddy feeling you once did when he turned the corner. You still enjoy your time with him, but there’s something missing. If you’ve been dating someone for a while, it’s normal for things to become comfortable and sometimes routine. You don’t want to become complacent, though, because that can ruin your relationship. This article outlines five reason why your relationship is no longer exciting.
1. You stopped having your own life
It’s extremely important to continue having a life of your own no matter what stage of your relationship you’re in. You can’t cling to your boyfriend constantly. You can share activities and friends, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own as well. Being able to do your own thing without your boyfriend will help you hold on to a bit of your independence. If you start sitting at home waiting around for your boyfriend all the time, you may feel left out when he continues to have his own life. Being a couple doesn’t mean you have to stop having your own life.
2. You don’t make time for sex
Hopefully the enjoyment and excitement of sex with your boyfriend never wears off, but busy lives can often make us too tired at the end of the day. It’s important to make time for intimacy. It’s easier to sit in front of the TV with a pizza, but it’s important to choose to keep your relationship healthy as well. Sex can be a great stress relief. If you don’t have time for a date night, try giving each other massages. The quality time is good for your relationship and can improve your sex life.
3. You’ve let yourself go
If you’ve gotten complacent in your relationship, you may have noticed yourself gaining some weight because you are less active and eating more. It’s normal for this to happen in a relationship because you do become so comfortable with each other. It’s important to stay fit and healthy as you would when you’re single. You want to be your best for yourself, your boyfriend, and your relationship. If you’ve both let yourself go, try getting active as a couple. You’ll both feel better about yourselves and this can put the spark back into your relationship.
4. Manners and modesty no longer exist
When you become comfortable with someone, it’s common to begin burping and passing gas in front of each other. You may even go to the bathroom in front of each other. These things can really ruin the romance in a relationship. You become much too comfortable with each other and everything that was once kept private is suddenly out in the open. Keep private things private whenever possible. Always retain your manners. Don’t stop saying please and thank you. Manners make people feel appreciated and respected.
5. You don’t communicate
You won’t always have deep conversation with your partner, but it is important to ask about each others day and listen intently while stories are being told. Don’t act uninterested or walk away when your partner is talking. Remember to ask questions about your boyfriend’s interests and hobbies. Be open to talking about yours as well. If you’re upset or sad, tell your boyfriend so. He can’t read your mind.
If your relationship has lost its spark, there are things you can do to spice things up again. Be willing and eager to try new things. If you’ve gotten into bad habits, work on fixing them as a couple. A relationship that has lost its spark is not doomed.
Written by: aprilaragam
On your way to finding true love, four types of guys will break your heart:
The guy who will probably hurt you the most is the player because he will make you feel so foolish. This guy doesn’t care if he hurts you. Hell, he doesn’t care what you think about him. He will hit and quit at the blink of an eye. The good thing about being played by a player is that you learn your lesson. You learn how to spot them from a mile away. Most people will tell you to stay as far away from the player as possible, but here, we will show you how to outplay this guy and beat him at his own game.
Blow hot and cold
A player is used to getting attention from his women. He knows they can’t get enough of him so go ahead and give him some attention and then disappear. Do this for a while and he will start wondering where you are and why you are giving him the cold shoulder. He isn’t used to getting mixed signals from women so when you start blowing hot and cold, you will definitely have his attention.
Let the player talk about himself during your dates. Let him share with you his interests, his passion or whatever else he wants to share with you. You on the other hand, shouldn’t share everything about you all at once. Share just enough to keep him interested and coming back for more.
Blow him away
Players aren’t as dumb as you think. They are smart because making that many girls fall for them requires them to use their brains. So you can be sure he isn’t looking for a shallow girl. He is looking for a girl with brains, is good looking and has a great personality. So pick out your favorite LBD (little black dress), apply some make-up and slip on your favorite pair of heels. Don’t forget to wear your signature scent if you have one.
By the way, it’s a no brainer that you shouldn’t wear something that’s too revealing. Make sure your conversations are engaging and sophisticated but don’t be a show off. Make him look forward to your dates.
Don’t say yes too quickly
Players are good with words and they know exactly what to say and when to say it to melt your heart and lower your logical defenses. Before you know it, you are obsessing over him and chasing him around. In order to outplay the player you have to always be in control. Don’t say yes every time he asks you out. Don’t be that girl who is always available. Don’t jump into bed with him either. You know how it is with women. Once you sleep with him, it’s very easy for you to start liking him more than he likes you. Wait it out. Just date him casually for a while without laying all your cards on the table.
Show him you have options
Don’t feel guilty about this. After all, you are one of his many options so why should you make him your priority? Show him that you too are keeping your options open and you are not falling head over heels for him. Don’t show him you are jealous of other women and for Pete’s sake, don’t start stalking him on Facebook or Instagram trying to see which girls he is interacting with. Don’t even be friends with him on social media to begin with.
Getting played is downright ugly. Don’t be surprised if a player shares scores with his friends. If you want to date a player and beat him at his own game, you have to always stay in control. We have to warn you that this guy is a handful. A player can actually change his ways once he meets that special woman and that special woman could be you.
There’s this woman; let’s call her Jackie.
So Jackie has been going out with this guy for a while now and she thinks he is the greatest. In fact, when they are together, they have a blast but there’s one huge problem. The guy disappears for periods at a time. He doesn’t reply to her texts or her calls. Jackie talks to him every time about his distancing behaviors and he apologizes but after a few days of lovey dovey, he disappears again. Jackie wants to know what the deal with this guy is.
The answer is simple…the guy is emotionally unavailable. Such guys can lead you on for years if you let them. This is your best shot at finding out if your man is emotionally unavailable. Here are a few signs you should look out for.
This is a no brainer but you’d be surprised at how many women are willing to let this time waster into their lives. This guy is probably a charmer otherwise, how do you explain his ability to lure women into relationships with them? He will convince you that he is not in love with his wife but who is he going home to at the end of the day? We bet he has canceled several dates because God forbid he should miss his kid’s dance recital because of you. Do you really want to be the other woman? The mistress? Don’t waste your time with this guy.
This guy knows what he wants and you can be sure it isn’t to win your love. He is so obvious you’d have to be blind and stupid not to see it. If he gets lovey dovey with you it’s because he knows he’s getting a little action from you. Try mentioning to him that you want to wait till marriage and watch how he reacts. He probably won’t call you again.
This is another no brainer. If he is an addict, a sex, drug or whatever other type of addict there is, you should stay as far away from him as possible. Such guys only bring baggage to the relationship. There’s not much to say about this time waster.
The further you are the better for him. In fact, if you lived on another continent he would be more than happy. He prefers to text and email as opposed to calling. He knows you can edit messages before hitting the send button but when you talk over the phone or via Skype, he knows something will slip and there’s no erasing what’s already been said. We all know long distance relationships don’t work, not by a long shot. But we’d love to know if you have ever been in a long distance relationship and if things actually worked out for you.
This guy has his options open. He doesn’t want to commit to you in case someone better comes along. He prefers to string you along until he lands the perfect woman. He has no problem flirting with other women even though he is in a relationship with you. He might not be doing it in front of you but he is doing it behind your back. He is still sniffing around trying to see if he can do better than you. This is not a guy who is emotionally available. He is even not that into you so you should cut your losses and move on before he does.
One minute he shows you how much he loves you and the next he is cold and distant. You don’t know where he is or what he is doing. After a few days he resurfaces and he shows you more love and affection. In short, he loves you only when it suits him. He doesn’t care about how you feel when he is that distant.
These warning signs are just a few examples of what emotionally unavailable men look like and their tendencies. If you are involved with a guy that fits any of these descriptions you should definitely drop him like a sack of rocks. You are an incredible woman and you deserve to find a man who is emotionally mature and won’t waste your time.
If only you could change a man’s ways…
The good news is, you actually can, but only if he wants to, or is able to change.
It’s never been about what you say but it’s about how you say it. How you say what you say can make him love you more or less.
Here’s a scenario. Jackie met this guy that she really liked. All her friends told her the guy was a loser, lazy and self-centered. But in a span of just a few weeks, the guy transformed into a loyal, loving and completely new man. Sounds like a fairy tale right? So what did Jackie do that other women could not?
The answer is pretty simple…Jackie knew one very important secret about men. They need to be emotionally invested in the relationship. We gave you signs to help you recognize an emotionally unavailable man in a previous article, so use it to spot the available ones.
Men who are not emotionally invested in anything are lazy, weak and have no ambition in life. Think about athletes, for example. They are so passionate about what they do that they are willing to do whatever it takes to be the best. They have invested in their career emotionally.
So do you want your man to invest emotionally in your relationship? Here are four words you should use to help you move things along:
Words of honor build endearment and fondness in your relationship. For instance, let’s take a look at two replies to the same question.
Boyfriend: Will you call Liz and her husband to confirm we are coming over for dinner?
Answer 1: Yes
Answer 2: yes my love
Which of the two replies sound like they re-affirm your love and respect towards your man? I sure hope you chose the second one. Nothing gives a man motivation more than being reassured they still hold that special place of honor in your relationship.
So the next time your man asks you to do for him a favor, don’t just reply “yes, I will.” Try something like “aye-aye captain” or something more playful.
What do you love most about your man? Make a list and give it to him on a special occasion. If you are celebrating one year of being together, read out the list to him. Tell him what you admire most about him. All men crave respect and admiration. In fact, you don’t even have to create a list. You can tell him a thing or two that you love about him any day. Think about it. Wouldn’t you like it if your man told you the things he liked about you? If he tells you he likes the way you make that pasta dish, wouldn’t you go out of your way to make it for him more often?
Let’s say you have this sales job. You have been working hard, day and night, to meet your target. Your boss doesn’t even acknowledge your efforts. She just shrugs and sets your report aside. No words of appreciation like “great job” or “you did good today”. Nothing. Would you really be motivated to meet your target next time?
The same applies to relationships. When you show your man that you appreciate how hard he works for the relationship, he will work even harder. Recognize his efforts and show your honest appreciation.
A guy will work hard to provide for his family when he knows his wife has his back. A man needs to know that he is not alone. So when you show a man you are by his side, he will do anything to ensure you are happy. Words like “you got this” or “let me know how I can help” are powerful words that can motivate almost any man.
Go ahead and try these words out for yourself and see what difference it makes in your man. But remember, if you’re with a man who is emotionally unavailable, someone who is unable or unwilling to change, no matter what you say is going to change him. And your efforts will go to waste.
Men need roles in a relationship, and they need to feel special. Don’t make him too comfortable in the relationship because he will become lazy. And don’t do 90% of the work in the relationship because he will be too lazy to fulfill his role in the relationship.