The other day we came across a piece on the Huffington Post written by Laura Doyle about how divorce is the woman’s fault. Apparently, Laura thinks that women are the only ones who can foster intimacy in the relationship and men are not capable of doing such a thing.
She tells women to stop taking the same approach at home as they do at work. She goes on to tell women that they should make themselves available for sex once a week because it helps them connect with their husbands.
By the time we finished reading her piece, we couldn’t help but wonder if she wants women to go back to the days when they depended on a man for everything. She talks about how women nowadays only learn how to excel in academics and in their careers but not how to foster intimacy in their relationships.
Unfortunately, most people in our society seem to share her opinion…blaming the woman for her failed marriage. But here are five reasons why we should stop blaming women for divorce.
- We don’t make men cheat
Society loves blaming the woman when the man cheats. We don’t force our husbands to sleep with other women. If a man cheats, it’s always the woman who gets blamed for not satisfying her husband at home. But if a woman cheats, she’s a whore. If a man cheats, we are expected to take him back with open arms and try to work on the marriage. But if a woman cheats, the man is not expected to take her back because she is a whore who deserves to be divorced. Talk about double standards.
- It’s not our work to teach men how to be good husbands
Why are women expected to “mould” their men to become the men we want? It’s not our jobs to teach men good habits like being faithful, cleaning up after themselves, being responsible fathers, etc. We are not your mothers and you are not children. If men can’t think like mature adults then they have no business getting married in the first place.
- Society has extremely high expectations
Society should stop expecting women to remain the same dress size throughout their entire lives. Babies happen and life happens. We go through a lot of things. The media has created this distorted version about how a woman should look like once she gets married and has babies.
We see the Beyonces and the Kim Kardashians of this world give birth and two weeks later they appear in the media with washboard abs. But we are quick to forget they have personal trainers and nannies to help them take care of their homes. Most of us don’t have all of that and we have to juggle between raising our kids, pleasing our husbands and doing household chores.
- Divorce doesn’t mean we are bad wives
Why does everybody assume that the woman is solely responsible for making her marriage work? Marriage is team work and men have to be team players. We too need to feel appreciated for our hard work and sacrifice. We have heard of women who sacrifice everything to make their men happy only for them to betray their love. But somehow people look for something the woman did wrong to drive her husband away.
- Society has a distorted notion of what being submissive is
Many people don’t know what being submissive means. They think it means we are supposed to do everything our husbands tell us without question but men can decide whether or not they should do what we want. We shouldn’t raise our voices at our husbands even when they make us angry but they have a right to raise their voices at us. God forbid if a woman is independent and able to make her own decisions. They start referring to her as a “difficult” woman.
Instead of playing the blame and shame game, society should consider the realities of modern life. People like referring to the “good old days” when marriages lasted longer than an Instagram video. But it’s because most women didn’t have much say in their marriages. Women are now more empowered and demand more from their husbands. So if a marriage falls apart, both the man and the woman are to blame. by Jackie K.